Warnings: 1) This is lengthy but entertaining, and 2) Reading this could ruin your willpower to diet. STOMACHS, GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!
| Originally posted by JayCrouch |
I was wondering, if you could invent a new type of nationwide fast food chain that rocked, what would it be and why?… what's your ideal after-gig 24-hour eatage place?
Sorry, I can’t do “fast food.” The laws of physics and my ethics prohibit it. I also wouldn’t invent
a restaurant, per se; rather, to a few features of my own creation that I find lacking from most eateries, I’d graft on, à la Dr. Frankenstein, a few select features from my favorite spots, producing a monster-child that looks like this… Genre
· 24-hour New-Yo-Merican Eatery – “We Clog Arteries, No Extra Charge” Types of Service
· Table · Counter · Al Fresco (weather permitting) · Drive-Thru · Take Out · Dashboard Light (weather permitting) - You park in a slot equipped with an intercom through which you order (à la Sonic®), and your meal is roller-skated out to your vehicle on trays and hung on your window (à la Arnold’s) by beautiful, buxom,
décolleté and Daisy-Duked hotties (à la Hooters®).
· About Our Food
Our kitchen is not equipped with microwaves. The one freezer in the joint is only used for storing the ice cream. This means all of our food, including the gravies, sauces, dressings, soups, fries and onion rings, is made from fresh ingredients, by hand, and from our own secret recipes. The only exceptions to this policy are 1) we use some Kronos® products for the gyros…but we make our own tzatziki sauce and stuffed grape leaves, and 2) we get our bakery items and breads from local bakeries; however, we always bake our own biscuits.
Our menu has no appetizer section; order a “large” from the Sides Menu if you just want a snack. Neither do we have combos, except for the dinners and one Dessert Menu item that we call The Hard Tweek. Everything else is ordered à la carte. ~MENU~ Sandwiches
· Deli-style sandwiches in the New York City tradition, served with coleslaw or potato salad and a fat pickle spear.
· Meatball/Meatball Parmigiana/Eggplant Parmigiana Hero
· Burgers: All our burgers are hand-formed from 1/3 lb. ground beef (about 18% fat content, so they’re pretty juicy but not greasy) and then flame-grilled, not griddled, à la Nessie Burgers (at the junction of I-15 and SR 76 in San Diego County, California, next to the Mobil station); they’re topped with Heinz® ketchup, Hellman’s®/Best Foods® mayonnaise, iceberg lettuce, sliced tomato and sliced Bermuda onion. We’ll add two slices of American, Swiss, Muenster or Jalapeño Jack cheese at no extra charge upon request. Each burger comes with a fat pickle spear and a medium carbonated beverage or house blend coffee. Other veggie toppings available and vary in price. Bacon or gyros meat on top, add $1.25. Stew du Jour*
This item varies greatly, as we rotate about fifteen different recipes, so ask your server what we have today. The stews are served over your choice of egg noodles, rice or grits.
*Every Friday, we also offer Shrimp Creole Étouffée (over rice or grits) in addition to the other stew du jour. Entrées
(Due to preparation time, these are not available at the Drive-Thru window, but you may call your order in, or order on-site, and pick it up at the To-Go station inside.) First
choose from these starters:
· A cup of one of the soups du jour or
a small house or Greek salad. Then
choose two regular-size sides from our Sides Menu to go with your entrée, and tell your server whether you’d prefer Southern-style biscuits or garlic bread with your meal. Now
choose your entrée:
· Two pork loin chops, pan-fried slowly in butter and smothered in sautéed onions, with applesauce on the side.
· Sliced roasted turkey breast with gravy and whole cranberry sauce on the side (none of that canned, jellied crap, thank you).
· Breaded, cast-iron-skillet-fried chicken: You get all the parts of half a chicken with pan gravy and whole cranberry sauce on the side.
· Kitchen Sink Meatloaf: The best you’ll ever have! Sixteen secret ingredients suspended in ground beef and served slathered in mushroom gravy.
· Fish and chips wrapped in semi-authentic clean newsprint, as opposed to yesterday’s inky Daily News.
· Baked macaroni and cheese…the real thing. There is no Velveeta permitted anywhere near this luscious casserole. Topped with a light, golden, buttered-breadcrumb crust. Also available as a side dish.
· Gyros or Falafel Plate – Basically an unassembled version of these sandwiches on a plate, with the warm pita cut in quarters and the sauce on the side. (These plates do not come with biscuits or garlic bread, unless you substitute them for the pita.)
· Spaghetti and Meatballs You Can’t Refuse…in my own Sicilian family recipe spaghetti sauce.
· Casseroles: · Moussaka · Eggplant Parmigiana · Chicken, Beef or Cheese Enchiladas · Coming soon…Carne Asada and other Mexican fare. Sides
· Three fresh steamed or sautéed veggies du jour · Two soups du jour* · Crinkle-cut fries · Batter-dipped onion rings · Mashed potatoes · Home-fried potatoes · Rice pilaf · Stuffed grape leaves (vegetarian & non-vegetarian) · Corn on the cob · Cole slaw · Potato salad · Hot German potato salad · Sauerkraut · House salad · Greek salad · Spanakopita · Three-bean salad · Barley pilaf · Baked macaroni and cheese · Corn relish · Grits · Fried grits · Cottage cheese · Applesauce · Cranberry sauce · Spaghetti · Spanish rice · Whole pinto beans · Fresh fruit salad · Chickpeas in a light vinaigrette · Southern-style greens ·
*Every Friday, we offer New England and Manhattan clam chowders in addition to the other soups du jour. Breakfast – Served 24 hours
~ We suggest you eat some of this stuff at the counter or a table, rather than by dashboard light, for obvious reasons.
Anything in the restaurant will be made into an omelette, sandwich, or breakfast burrito at your request and to your specs. Here are some items to start you off with:
· Eggs · Bacon · Breakfast links · Ham · Hot links · Mushrooms · Any veggie in the joint · Cheese · Chorizo · Nopales (that’s cactus to you greenhorns) · Avocado ·
Other waist-expanding goodies:
· Pancakes · Waffles · Biscuits and sausage gravy · An array of hot and cold cereals · Grits · Fried grits · Fresh seasonal fruit salad · Desserts
~ These are so generous, they are almost meals unto themselves…indulge yourself, or share with a friend.
· Deep Dish Fruit Pie…the best and freshest from local bakeries. Choose apple, cherry or peach, hot or cold, plain or à la mode
. Try hot apple pie with a couple of slices of real Cheddar cheese melted over it. Just remember, each slice is a full sixth
of a pie!
· Fruit Cocktail in Jell-O® - Reminiscent of the stuff in your school cafeteria but better, because we add fresh fruit juices, real whipped cream and love. Served in a big, old-fashioned milk shake glass.
· Belgian Waffles – Served with any combination of Breyer’s® ice cream, ice cream toppings, syrups, hot fruit compotes and fresh whipped cream that you specify.
· DBC (Death By Chocolate) – This silky, rich, and shamelessly decadent torte will satisfy the most discriminating chocoholic by the first mouthful. There are no words for this confection, so just shut up and eat it. Served unadorned on a pure white plate with a glass of milk.
· Baklava – Flaky, sweet and sticky, made in our kitchen from my best friend’s mom’s secret recipe.
· Bakery Treats – New York Cheesecake, plain or cherry · Black Forest Cake · German Chocolate Cake · Assorted pastries from local bakeries ·
· Ice Cream Delights – Anything we can make from our selection of Breyer’s® ice cream flavors, hot and fruit toppings, syrups, sugar cones, fresh waffle cones, and fresh fruit, including the indispensable banana, is yours for the asking.
~Specialty of the House~
· The Hard Tweek
– This has become a favorite of hard-working mobile recording crews with impossible back-to-back schedules because after this, nothing is impossible to accomplish except getting to sleep! The Hard Tweek is a combination of one serving of DBC (see above) and two Bang-ZOOM!!!s…one for here and one to go. (See the Coffee Bar Menu for the Bang-ZOOM!!! formula.) You’re goin’ to the moon, Alice. Soda Fountain
· We will concoct any non-alcoholic beverage you want if we got the fixin’s for it.
· Twelve-ounce curls? Lift a Dr. Brown’s® to your lips. Cream, Cel-Ray, and Black Cherry sodas, Ginger Ale, and Root Beer proudly served in the bottle in both regular and diet flavors.
· NO COKE, PEPSI! We serve only Pepsi® fountain sodas…Pepsi®, Mountain Dew®, Code Red®, Sierra Mist®, and Slice®, in both regular and diet flavors.
~Specialties of the House~
· Egg Cream – Just like in the old neighborhood. Chocolate or vanilla, of course…double syrup no extra charge.
· Shakes and Malteds – Handmade with your choice of our Breyer’s® flavors, fresh fruits and Torani® syrups.
· Root Beer Float – Icy Dr. Brown’s® root beer afloat with a healthy scoop of Breyer’s® vanilla…to die for. Coffee Bar
Anything dfegadStarbuck’s does, we can do better. They’ll get over it. Featuring Torani® syrups.
~Specialty of the House~
· Bang-ZOOM!!! – Our signature triple hammerhead mocha au lait– Our house blend coffee topped with three shots of espresso for good luck, and sweetened with Bosco® chocolate syrup and Carnation® sweetened condensed milk. Top it with fresh whipped cream if you need it sweeter and creamier. ZING!!! Venture capitalists in the tri-state area are welcome to contact me by e-mail.
©2004 Lorraine Emanuele