Well I'd say for something done without studio monitors and with no mixing/mastering this isn't too bad. You understand how to construct a song and have some nice breaks/rises and synth sounds.
Here's suggestions I'd make IMHO, of course. I wouldn't be afraid to experiment some more with the melody--especially the main motif. More melodic changes along the way would make the track more interesting for sure. You do a good job with some nice filtering/sound changes though.
Your drums could benefit from some tweaking i.e. more punch to your kick and more pop to your high end--but then again you don't have decent monitor speakers. (get some! Rockit 5s are relatively cheap and sound good) One more rhythmic element in the drum loop would be nice too.
I do think it's good though. Just needs some polish.
You can't fail if you never stop trying.