Revenge: the idea is good-ish. the fx - too much imo, or at least work them into the mix more creatively?) a lot is getting drenched, live it will sound like one big verb convention. All together, with some work the idea is there, it sounds a bit raw... maybe thats good? I like "raw", but make it stand out, if thats your intention... Ultimately... I would take it off soundcloud and rework it ASAP.
scary-ponies: its better, I would work on it some more though.. nit pick the fvck out of it until your ears bleed...you want it to be glitchy, heavy as and proper in the face right? give it a weeks rest and then try it (mix) again fresh.