Top This
rvwainscott
Thread Starter
#1
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #1
Gear maniac
 
rvwainscott's Avatar
 

Thread Starter
Top This

I can't title a rant in the moan zone "Top This" unless I really mean business so this might get a bit wordy but, as you all know, our gripes are usually not simple affairs.

Background: So this "Producer" brings me a hip hop project. It is just him, the producer, and some young kid that he has conned into believing that he is a producer. Lets call them "producer" and "rap kid". The producer constantly drops names like bombs falling on Berlin. My favorite is when he talks about how him and Snoop hang out at Snoop's house and they write songs together. He constantly feeds rap kid bullshit and forces him to rap over tracks written on a terribly hacked version of Fruity Loops. The samples he uses has more hiss than two high school cheerleaders fighting over a boy. For someone that has supposedly recorded all kinds of hits, he has no clue about some very basic basic basic things.

Maybe it is the VO that he is drinking at 10am that causes him to forget but I'm not sure. Anyway, since he doesn't know anything about production, by default we end up producing the track - at least the minimum amount necessary so we are not all just sitting there looking at one another. BTW, the horror of these tracks is beyond description.

Now, on to my moan.

They needed a female singer to sing the hook as well as fill in some other parts. Being a producer 'n all he knew just where to look: Myspace. Of course, he didn't look on the music section buy just began randomly asking women on myspace that lived in our city if they knew how to sing. He finally found one and scheduled his appointment. Of course, I didn't know any of this and I was expecting, well, something different.

First, she was 1 1/2 hours late which is fine by me because I love getting paid to read a book or play San Andreas. Second, she brought her two boys, aged 5 and 9, with her. Bad, very bad. At that point I should have ended the session because the studio is not a place for children but I thought that I could get the vocal take quickly and finally be finished with this track - was I wrong.

"My little boys haven't eaten since this morning," she said as she opened a large travel bag. I was afraid she would take out McDonald's or BK and they would get french fries everywhere but no, She handed each boy a bag of Marshmellows. Not the tiny one used in hot cocoa but the large ones that you cook over a campfire. Of course, you would want to wash that hearty meal down with, what else? a Coke. At this point I knew I only had about 20 minutes before the sugar rush overwhelmed us all.

I wanted a room sound so I took her into one of the larger rooms and began my usual questions headphone preference, microphone preference (saves a lot of time when someone has a favorite mic and knows how to work it) etc when she blurted out to me that she had never sang in a studio before or anywhere other than her house for that matter. All I could hope for now was beginner's luck.

I got her as comfortable as possible and quickly set up a few differnt mics that were my usual fallback mics. I explained where she needed to stand and gave her a few tips on how to work the mic. I went back to my desk and asked her if she was ready to take a few practice runs while I worked on levels etc.

I pushed play. . and. . . nothing . . . happened. "Can you hear the music?" I asked. "Yes". "Why won't you sing?" I asked her. Her answer was felt in the pit of my stomache. "I don't know what to sing. I've never heard this song before."

At this point I notice the the 5 year old is beginning to bounce around on the couch. He wants to explore!

The producer is busy this entire time telling rap kid that he will be famous and all about how they will put the city we live in on the map. I think one or both of them might be drunk. Now I'm mad.

I order the producer into the room with the singer and tell him that he needs to direct her and it all better happen damn fast. While he is explaining the song, I turn around to rap kid and explain to him that the line he has just been given on how all they need to do is mail their CD to the record labels and then they will be signed was pure fantasy. "You'll be bitten by a real vampire before any one at any label ever listens to your unsolicited submission." I was just about to go on when I noticed that 5 year old marshmellow fingers was pounding on my CS80. He never sat down again but just ran around.

We need to do this and do this now. But that didn't happen. It took her two hours before I got enough material to piece together a take. BTW, I've now modified my contract to it reads that no children are allowed in the facility.

PUNCH LINE: This client is now working with my business partner because they said I was "unprofessional" during that session. I'm sure producer man wasn't happy when I told rap kid just how ****ed up everything was.

Top that.

Last edited by rvwainscott; 12th November 2006 at 04:35 PM.. Reason: Misspelling
#2
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #2
Gear addict
 

Hilarious

Thanks for a great read... not really much to say to that... but let us know how it pans out, and definitely post the song if you can!!!!!!!!
#3
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #3
Lives for gear
 
GYMusic's Avatar
That's good stuff... especially since it didn't happen to me. Screw 'em... who needs 'em!
#4
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #4
Gear Head
 
daback-daboot's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reza View Post
Hilarious

Thanks for a great read... not really much to say to that... but let us know how it pans out, and definitely post the song if you can!!!!!!!!
Agreed. You can't tell us such a story & not give up the audible visual...please.
#5
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #5
Lives for gear
 
theblotted's Avatar
 

#6
9th November 2006
Old 9th November 2006
  #6
Lives for gear
 
djui5's Avatar
 

F'n hilarious!
I keep telling people not to move here, and that's why
rvwainscott
Thread Starter
#7
11th November 2006
Old 11th November 2006
  #7
Gear maniac
 
rvwainscott's Avatar
 

Thread Starter
If only I could. . .

If only I could post that track but it wouldn't be the "correct" thing to do. When I said "top this" I was really just talking about this week. I've had projects in front of me that were beyond description - we all have.

I'm sure, though, that it provides endless entertainment for my friends. For example, someone might tell me 'bout their day at work at the office and how they met their deadline and got that report ready. I may counter with the 44year old guy that looked like Sammy Hagar on krack and his 12 song album describing in detail how he is stalking his 14year old step daughter (true story) and how she'll come running once she hears the songs on the radio.

I had a death metal band explain to me on the phone the importance of using their own equipment because, well, "it just rocks". They came to the session with their own custom designed "skull" microphone stands - that's it, nothing else. Lucky we had those or there wouldn't have been anything in the room to match their large plastic skull necklaces (each necklace was made of 10 or so golfball sized painted skulls - I have photos.) We could talk about Vampires, I've had them in too.

Robert V. Wainscott
Full Clip Audio
www.myspace.com/nickelthrower
www.mysapce.com/fulllclipaudio
#8
11th November 2006
Old 11th November 2006
  #8
Lives for gear
 
Improv's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rvwainscott View Post
PUNCH LINE: This client is now working with my business partner because they said I was "unprofessional" during that session. I'm sure producer man wasn't happy when I told rap kid just how ****ed up everything was.

Top that.
I don't mean to take away from the light-hearted nature of this thread with a lecture, but of course you know it's NEVER a good idea to do a runaround any producer, no matter how drunk or inept you may think they are. Doing anything to undermine the artist's faith in their producer is a sure-fire way to not get return work.

Though I suppose in this situation, you're better off anyway, huh.

It gets easier and easier to bite your tongue each time you have a situation like this. And I'm a relative newcomer to this game (it happens a lot!)
#9
12th November 2006
Old 12th November 2006
  #9
Lives for gear
 
7 Hz's Avatar
 

Yeh I think Improv has a point. Talking about or badmouthing people behind their back will ALWAYS come back at you, especialy in the presure cooker of a recording studio / producer / artist situation. telling Rap Kid that Producer sucked was a mistake. Either you should have not bothered, or if you thought the Rap kid was any good (doesn't sound like it), you could have tried to steal them from the producer (after the end of the session once evberything is paid).

Kids are ok in the studio as long as they have enough adults per head to look after them and the studio. Sugar overload and no supervision would cause me to stop a session until the kids have sufficent adult supervision or just left. Tactfully.
#10
12th November 2006
Old 12th November 2006
  #10
Lives for gear
 
robot gigante's Avatar
Don't you guys ever turn people away?

God knows I would have. I just have a hard time imagining this "producer" is going to come through and pay you at the end of all this.

Best of luck!
rvwainscott
Thread Starter
#11
12th November 2006
Old 12th November 2006
  #11
Gear maniac
 
rvwainscott's Avatar
 

Thread Starter
In response

This is in response to the three posts above this one. I could do the quote thing but I'm too lazy.

First, I'm quite tolerant of stupidity and lack of talent. I lose respect for someone that isn't taking the work seriously. Look, a lot of stupid people work really hard trying to make the best music they can. I've had a ton of talentless people work like crazy on their projects. I'll match 'em. If they give 100% I'll give 'em 110%. If they are giving me 10% effort then they might not get 110% from me. Maybe I might turn around and tell them that their plan for success is flawed.

Bringing children into my facility and filling them full of sugar shows a total lack of respect. Showing up late suggests a lack of respect. Walking into my place drunk shows a lack of respect - not for me but for the project. BTW, that was a typo about the keyboard - it is a CS80 not a CZ80. I'd like to see any of you guys remain calm while someone pounds on that. (for those of you that don't know, only 2000 of these were made in the late '70's. I saw one for sale recently for 16k)

About getting paid, that isn't an issue because this session, like many of the ones I do, was prepaid. I require a desposit to hold time and often I require the session to be paid in advance. Visa mastercard and AMex right over the phone when they book! The only reason I didn't throw them out was that I didn't feel like giving them any sort of refund - that was my greed, my fault.

Finally, lets say that the "producer" really wants to become a producer. Someone, perhaps in a more thoughtful way, should educate him a bit on the process so he doesn't make a fool of himself every time he opens his mouth. Clearly, my way wasn't the correct way but I lost respect for them and their project when I finally realized that they didn't have any respect for their project.

Punchline: My partner suggested to them (I guess he couldn't help himself either) that they get a myspace page as a means to promote themselves. Producer man started calling him at all hours on Eric's (my partner's) private cell phone asking questins about myspace - how do I log in? What is my password? How do I change the background. These guys found those sites where you can add bling banners and bling backgrounds and they added so many items that the page wouldn't load up ever. It just displayed a white featureless, wordless page.

Robert V. Wainscott
Full Clip Audio
www.myspace.com/nickelthrower
www.myspace.com/fullclipaudio
Art
#12
14th November 2006
Old 14th November 2006
  #12
Art
Gear addict
 
Art's Avatar
 

Well I think you totally did the right thing. This kid should be given a reality lesson and hopefully he will not let himself be taken advantage of. This producer guy is so clearly not a producer, either he is delusional or just BS'ing this kid. Delusional seems more likely. In any case, I think what you did was admirable. I know that people have dreams and ambitions, but there has to be a point where you can distinguish your dreams from plain stupidity.


Art
#13
14th November 2006
Old 14th November 2006
  #13
Lives for gear
 
djui5's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by 7 Hz View Post
Yeh I think Improv has a point. Talking about or badmouthing people behind their back will ALWAYS come back at you
Quote:
you could have tried to steal them from the producer (after the end of the session once evberything is paid).


So it's ok to steal peoples clients, but not ok to tell an artist the producer is wacked?


STEALING PEOPLES CLIENTS IS NEVER F'N OK, EVER! It's immoral and rude as hell. But then again, so is stealing cars, and breaking into peoples houses, but I guess morals haven't stopped people before now has it? It's all about the choices you make.

I do agree that going behind the artists back about the producer maybe isn't the best move UNLESS the artist is asking for your opinion. Hard to say what I would have done in a situation like this...probably just drank a lot when I got home. Bacardi and coke is killer for "post session madness"
#14
14th November 2006
Old 14th November 2006
  #14
The Audio Whisperer
 
donsolo's Avatar
I thik that if the kid was a sucess, the ends would have justified the means bro.

I doubt "producer" would have put himself above such tactics (and we don't know the backstory, possibly already has)

When you are "for hire" you are a mercenary.

So are all the people that you're working with

Allegiance and f'in loyalty don't mean jack ever.

Besides, it's looking like rap kid probably didn't have the "it" factor to "make it" being from Pheonix and all...

Not that it's a bad town, it's just not, you know...B'klyn or South-Central.

Of course, look at Kanye
#15
14th November 2006
Old 14th November 2006
  #15
Lives for gear
 
djui5's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by donsolo View Post
Allegiance and f'in loyalty don't mean jack ever.
Well maybe not to you, but it should. That's a bad way to live you know.

Quote:
Besides, it's looking like rap kid probably didn't have the "it" factor to "make it" being from Pheonix and all...

DMX mean anything to you? He's from here.
#16
15th November 2006
Old 15th November 2006
  #16
Gear addict
 
the russian's Avatar
 

Unhappy

Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".
#17
15th November 2006
Old 15th November 2006
  #17
Lives for gear
 
LoopQuantum's Avatar
 

Priceless.
#18
15th November 2006
Old 15th November 2006
  #18
Quote:
Originally Posted by the russian View Post
Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".

DUDE! You got to record Wesley Willis?!?!
#19
15th November 2006
Old 15th November 2006
  #19
Lives for gear
 
adrianex's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by the russian View Post
Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".
WOW...OMG... ......
#20
15th November 2006
Old 15th November 2006
  #20
Gear Guru
 
lucey's Avatar
That's the topper of all toppers. What was he thinking?


Quote:
Originally Posted by the russian View Post
Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".
#21
16th November 2006
Old 16th November 2006
  #21
Gear addict
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by rvwainscott View Post
I have photos.) We could talk about Vampires, I've had them in too.
hahahaa i sooo do not miss working in a recording studio ...
#22
16th November 2006
Old 16th November 2006
  #22
Gear maniac
 
madcowvt's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by the russian View Post
Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".

To much of this for sure!

rvwainscott
Thread Starter
#23
16th November 2006
Old 16th November 2006
  #23
Gear maniac
 
rvwainscott's Avatar
 

Thread Starter
U Win, I think. . .

Wow, wow, and more wow. That even beats the time when I first started and I had a home studio and I was recording this band from Mexico and about 25 people showed up at my home. The women started spreading picnic blankets on my living room and kitchen floor and within a few minutes my home looked like a gypsy camp in Bulgaria. My now Xwife, she hated the studio, came home and lost her mind. YOUR STORY WAY TOPS THAT.

Robert V. Wainscott
Full Clip Audio
www.myspace.com/nickelthrower
www.myspace.com/fullclipaudio

Quote:
Originally Posted by the russian View Post
Topped.

This is the story of my worst session. EVER. Not bad in the sense of conflict or drama. In the sense that I feel really bad for this guy and people like him.

I get a call one day from a guy who wants to book a day's session (which at the time was about $500 or so). He told me that he already had the tracks "on point" and he just needed to lay down some live bass.

The next week he shows up to the scheduled session, prompt and energetic. We start to get into tracking...

The guy has an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old boy. We spend the first hour chatting it up. I casually imply that I'm ready to track every few minutes or so, but he assures me that he's really quick. He talks up his boys: "Yeah, they make their old man look bad! These boys are so blessed. They're so musically inclined, etc".

"Why don't we at least load in your beats," I say. At which point he gets up and goes to the car. He comes back with a $15 Casio keyboard from 1987.

"Okay!" he says. "I'm ready to drop the beats!"

I'm, of course suprised. I was expecting an MPC or a Pro Tools session... a cd-r with stereo .WAV files at the worst. I didn't want to be rude... maybe this guy had a vision I just couldn't see yet. I'd seen stranger things, so I allowed the session to continue.

The keyboard has no output of any kind (not even a headphone jack!), so I'm forced to mic the dust encrusted speaker grill in all of it's wonderful mono glory. He gets out his bass, telling me to hook it up direct. "That's how we did it when I played for George Clinton," he said. Somehow I seriously doubt that this man has even met George Clinton... but anyways...

I couldn't get that damn bass to sound good no matter what I did. Finally I tell him, "Look, guy, you gotta use one of my axes." "Sorry," he says, "But this is where the MOJO comes from!" I made it very clear (in a very polite way) that his bass sucked donkey nuts and that using it would seriously harm his mix, a mix which had been doomed since it's inception.

He wants to track everything at once. "Everything" being a) his direct bass, b) the "bossa-nova" drum pattern on his Casio, and c) an electric piano. As if it weren't bad enough that I was MIKING A FU_KING CASIO KEYBOARD, now you're telling me that there's going to be an electric piano on the same MONO TRACK?!!! He has his 8 year old kid play the electric piano patch on the keys while he "rocks" his crappy flab machine.

His son, god bless his heart, was a horrible hack (even if he was eight) who had no sense of rhythm or key. Every song would start the same. The dad would walk over to the Casio and push play, triggering the lame bossa-nova drum pattern. Then he'd start playing a LAME LAME LAME LAME bassline. Then the kid would play single-finger melodies (a la "Mary Had A Little Lamb"). All the while, I'm waiting for him to say, "Okay, now I want you to throw a phat drum loop over the top of that" or "You know, this sounds whack, let's do something about this". But NO. This guy seemed to be totally content with his recording. The mere fact that I could record and play back audio was like a miracle to this guy. I let him know that I DO HAVE the ability to use drum loops (at this point I was ready to produce and arrange these songs from scratch).

He tells me he loves what he hears so far and he'll be back tomorrow to do another 8 hour session. My friends and I had a good laugh over the tunes that night. He returns the next day wearing the same clothes he had on the night before... and that day's session was exactly like the one before.

In the end, the guy ended up with (8) six minute long "songs". I could best describe the end product as Afika Bombada without any talent or sonic worth. The songs were literally just an eight bar loop played over and over and over and over without any sense of timing. By this point I feel really bad for this guy. But the session is over and I'm ready to put this SHAMEFUL experience behind me. Then things started to get akward.

He asks when he'll be able to hear his song on the radio.

Uh-oh.

"No sir," I explained. "You see, I'm just a studio. I have nothing to do with the radio". Then he asks when he gets the album cover. "What?!" he screams. "One-THOU-sand dollars and we don't get an album cover! I'll sue you!" He starts grabbing me by the neck. "My family has been sleeping outside of your studio for THREE DAYS in my car! We came all the way from Minnesota to make it!!!"

(Mind you that my humble studio was in California!!!)

And he was telling the truth. I looked outside to find a family of 8 packed inside a Lincoln Continental. EEK!!! By this point I feel like shit. A part of me thinks that it was all his fault. I mean, has this guy been living under a rock... is he some kind of crackhead?! Or did I take advantage of him? It's not like I was running some fly-by-night operation or anything. We had a legitimate studio with legit clients. Aside from the occasional "metal zone" garage band we generally always put out EXCELLENT product. I called the police. They showed up and took him away (he had choked me pretty good) and never heard from the guy again.

So that's my story. I'm going to go through my old G4 and see if I can't find a backup of the session. I recall saving it for comedic value. Perhaps I could post some of the "classics".
#24
16th November 2006
Old 16th November 2006
  #24
Gear Guru
 
henryrobinett's Avatar
 

So, you kept the money too?
#25
16th November 2006
Old 16th November 2006
  #25
The Audio Whisperer
 
donsolo's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by henryrobinett View Post
So, you kept the money too?
I almost died, thanks

Sorry about the dick post earlier, I've just had some shit clients back out last minute on some stuff I was doing super-cheap no-deposit style. I was in a crappy mood
#26
20th November 2006
Old 20th November 2006
  #26
Gear addict
 
the russian's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by madcowvt View Post

To much of this for sure!

Yes, I think there was a lot of that going on. And hell yes I kept the money.
#27
20th November 2006
Old 20th November 2006
  #27
Lives for gear
 
frans's Avatar
Hey, a similar thing happened to me.... while live mixing. Not that degree, but.. this "keyboard/boombox-without-an-output-whatsoever" thing : instant dejavu! The nerve of some (very blessed) people.
#28
19th February 2007
Old 19th February 2007
  #28
Gear interested
 

I just love my day job now, thanks

Last edited by Sonicreducer; 19th February 2007 at 02:20 PM.. Reason: words
#29
19th February 2007
Old 19th February 2007
  #29
Lives for gear
 
Spectacle's Avatar
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Full Clip Audio View Post
DUDE! You got to record Wesley Willis?!?!
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking!!

ROTFLMBO

You should be careful, man, he kicked Batman's A$$!
#30
19th February 2007
Old 19th February 2007
  #30
Gear Head
 

Dude, you let a kid touch your CS80? A marshmallowed kid, no less? If the kid exited with as many fingers as he entered with, you are a bigger person than I.

Oh, and I enjoyed the vampire comment -- I'll have to use that one.
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