my gf

[oweng]

my new gf in vancouver

she's a handful-

heroin addict - ***** - she's a mess.

but damn - she plays keys and sings / writes like a pro.

super old .. ima grmofo -

Q - should i even bother to work with her-
i think she should get back to recording
and i've been trying to encourage her..


but
she's a mess - opinions -
should i just kick her in the teeth like everyone else in this industry has done?

i am confused -

[joeq]

Originally Posted by oweng

heroin addict - ***** - she's a mess.

Q - should i even bother to work with her-

no.

[Goa-Dubs]

Originally Posted by oweng

my new gf in vancouver

she's a handful-

heroin addict - ***** - she's a mess.

but damn - she plays keys and sings / writes like a pro.

super old .. ima grmofo -

Q - should i even bother to work with her-
i think she should get back to recording
and i've been trying to encourage her..


but
she's a mess - opinions -
should i just kick her in the teeth like everyone else in this industry has done?

i am confused -

She probably wants her bag more than she wants you or the singing.Its her choice to be straight and yours to accept i imagine.Good luck.

edit-sorry to come across a bit harsh there.Hope you work something out.

[DanDaMan]

This may be a stupid question, BUT, is she an "addict" or a "user"? There is a fine line between the two. If she's an addict, then yes, she probably does want her bag more than the music. On the other hand, if she's just a recreational user, then she may actually care about the music.... I'm just thinking out loud here....

Tally ho



EDIT: Judging by the "She's a mess" statement, I presume she's an addict. But I had to ask If it was me, I would give her a chance anyway. She is after all, a human. She just happens to have made the mistake of getting hooked on some seriously strong shit. This is my hippie side coming out to play now....

[chrisso]

You said 'new girlfriend' and asked if you should work with her.
Working with someone your in a relationship can be complicated at the best of times.
It's probably all doomed to failure (work and relationship), that's the sad reality.
Firstly, I wouldn't enter into a relationship with a heroin user.
Second, I'd give a heroin user a chance musically, but on very limited terms and only as a favour. Don't sink a lot of your money into her, or leave her in a position of trust.
Expect the worse and hope for a surprise, but don't get sucked in, either financially or taking drugs yourself.

[suedesound]

speaking as a recovering alcoholic that has been hanging out with every form of addict for a long time (before and in sobriety), there are two drugs that i never hear of recreational use without it turning into addiction....heroin and crack. sorry but i say no. i'm sure there are people out there that can do it just for fun but it is a very slippery slope. i just found out today about an aquaintance that relapsed on heroin, od'd and died last night. stay as far away from that drug and peeps on it as possible.

edit: if she's your girlfriend as in intimate than doubly wammy on no

[joeq]

Originally Posted by suedesound

speaking as a recovering alcoholic that has been hanging out with every form of addict for a long time (before and in sobriety), there are two drugs that i never hear of recreational use without it turning into addiction....heroin and crack. sorry but i say no. i'm sure there are people out there that can do it just for fun but it is a very slippery slope. i just found out today about an aquaintance that relapsed on heroin, od'd and died last night. stay as far away from that drug and peeps on it as possible.

edit: if she's your girlfriend as in intimate than doubly wammy on no

seconded

in my experience, that "fine line" is nothing but a timeline

every heroin 'user' I have known was sooner or later an 'addict' with all the lying and stealing that goes with it. Usually sooner.

I had my hippie 'benefit of the doubt' feelings knocked out of me good and hard back in the day.

it may sound harsh, but it's just self-preservation
when it comes down to you or them, and it will, you have to choose you.

[verve92]

Junkies don't make good girlfriends. They will steal alot more than your heart! And you'll be busted when you get pulled over with junk, unless you use it yourself in which case you both get what's coming for you

[aTelecine-Lex]

I am going to have to agree with the popular opinion of the replies thus far: No... Just don't do it.

The sessions will almost surely be a train-wreck from Jump street...

Just my opinion

Good Luck (on both fronts)

-Lex

[Jazz Noise]

Heroin heroine? Not likely. Don't even try. As Verse said, she may just try and steal all your shitaki mushrooms.

Oh and did I mention the risk of the blood diseases? Better off with Pam and her 5 sisters if you ask me!

[badmark]

Lot of good sense being spoken, but I gotta ask:

Who would you sooner work with?

(a) Nico

(b) Miley Cyrus

[aTelecine-Lex]

Originally Posted by badmark

Lot of good sense being spoken, but I gotta ask:

Who would you sooner work with?

(a) Nico

(b) Miley Cyrus

I am going with (b) -

Nico was a hot (very hot) mess

- Nevertheless less my opinion above still stands

-Lex

[always_ending]

Originally Posted by badmark

Lot of good sense being spoken, but I gotta ask:

Who would you sooner work with?

(a) Nico

(b) Miley Cyrus

depends on the definition of "work"

all jokes aside, it's hard working with addicts.... a good friend of mine was a signed guitarist in a progressive metal/rock band and ended up addicted to morphine and pills. ended in him stealing other gear, pawing all his own ($2000 gts for $200!) and the eventual overdose and death.

really sucked as I liked the guy when he wasn't on the shit and had his head in the game.... one of the best sonic character guitarists of the past 15 yrs IMVHO. but when he was hooked and on it, the gear, nor music mattered.... the garbage took over completely.

the guy was Nathan Slade from Atomship if you're wondering.

[ritelec]

Working with her or not. 1st priority is to straighten her out. Keeping a relationship or separating and sending her in the right direction.

She will lie and steal and it will get ugly before she realizes the problem and wants to fix it.............it will be a long process. And there's no guaranty of staying sober if she completes some type of program.

Do you like your gf and want to help your gf also as a person?

Easiest thing would be to have her hit the road.

It's your decision.


All the best with it.....really.

[ritelec]

Originally Posted by badmark

Lot of good sense being spoken, but I gotta ask:

Who would you sooner work with?

(a) Nico

(b) Miley Cyrus

Originally Posted by aTelecine-Lex

I am going with (b) -

Nico was a hot (very hot) mess

- Nevertheless less my opinion above still stands

-Lex

(c) aTelecine-Lex

[ritelec]

Just wanted to add.

With my junkie experience...........it was years and years of knowing and playing with a guy.

He lost everything....3 houses, 2 wifes (gf od), $$$ gear............

Very sad.

But knowing him for 30 plus years......the offers were always there.
When I was at the end of my drinking career, the temptation to partake became very great.

What I'm trying to say is......the gf may want a getting stoned buddy also.
If you haven't gotten involved (which is doubtful) I'd be on my guard, separate and steer her in the right direction, then cut all ties and educate yourself too. You mentioned she's a mess, not implying anything, but are you indulging and not considering yourself a mess (or user)?


If you want to be a lawyer, you hang out with lawyers.
You want fleas, you sleep with dogs.
Hang out with a junkie.......odds are you will become a junkie.

Send her for help. Cut ties. You get help.

[DSK]

Wow these stories are a sad :(

So much wasted potential from our species. I feel we are adrift...

Ritelec you have a good point with the fleas... you do get them.

Things that you couldn't imagine ever doing by yourself become 100% acceptable when the power of the antourage steps in.

Luckily I hang a lot more in this place than any other.

Hi I'm xxxx and Gearslutz has made me a cynic that respects true passion, work and other peoples creations.

[suedesound]

And there's no guaranty of staying sober if she completes some type of program.

this is scarily true. i got out of a 30 day program awhile ago thinking i could take on the world and never drink again, a week later i had a bottle in my hand again. i won't go spouting off a bunch of program shit to you but it really is one day at a time for us. i've seen people with 13 years of sobriety show up crying their eyes out about relapsing. about 80% of the people i was in rehab with have relapsed at least once, some of them die doing it.

i say all of this because if you do stick with her and help her get sober patience is a virtue, us addicts are hard headed and it takes awhile to learn and sometimes we never do. i would also suggest you get involved in al-anon if you are serious about her, even if she's still using.

sorry for the long post but i'm more involved in my sobriety now than i am in music and engineering so i'm passionatte about the subject. it's a long tough road.

if you aren't that serious about her then leave her, hopefully it'll help her. by all means don't let her drag you down with her.

[Ward Pike]

Run. Away.

[badmark]

Originally Posted by Ward Pike

Run. Away.

Mardy schmardy. Go for it! Relationship, recording. Who knows what might result? Life's short etc.

Just set some very clear barriers.

Zero tolerance of unacceptable behaviour.

To the OP - the only other thing I wanted to say was about "should i just kick her in the teeth like everyone else in this industry has done?". Got to add a "she says has" to that. Um ... is a junkie more likely to be self-serving or truthful about what happened?

[bartonrogers]

Wouldn't mix business with pleasure. Fingers get burned.

[kafka]

I wouldn't waste my time on a junkie, personally or professionally. Heroin addicts want one thing, and until they see that their lives are better off without it, anything you want will be way down on their list. They're incapable of giving unless it leads to a fix. You need to step back, and understand that the only thing she sees in you is a way of getting more drugs. Maybe she's getting a couple of bills from you every now and then, or maybe she's getting a clean place to shoot up or do tricks for cash, or maybe she's casing you out so she can steal all your stuff. But understand that she has only one thing on her mind, and she'll stop at absolutely nothing to get it.

[6th_World]

If she's a heroin addict I'd suggest you to watch yourself at a first place man! I made some music with addicts and some of them were great musicians, no doubt.. Some of them cleaned themself, some of them end up dead.. Sad but true :(

If she's cute, funny girl by default, you may end up with that sh*t in your body.. We all know what heroin is, beware!


At the end of the day it's YOUR choice but I'll type BEWARE word once again

[tonemaker]

It's not all or nothing. You don't have to disrespect her or slam her or "kick her in the teeth" as you put it. Personally I keep far away from my former friends who do drugs. They are not worth the drama, frustration, lack of sleep, mooching, and risks with the law. I tried to help them get clean and now I'm done. I won't let them drag me down with them.

So i'd say if you have the energy, encourage her to do the right healthy artistic clean things and support her detox. but don't get sucked down into it with her. and yes, that really does happen to some couples.

There are multiple different issues at hand here, but the one that could mess everything up is the drug addiction which can easily lead to ODing, prostitution, jailtime, stealing (for money for drugs), homelessness, being around abusive people and getting beat up by them, and of course the basic health risks and hell of just the addiction itself.

She needs to get into a detox program and you could help with that and also help encourage her by letting her know that she has a future with being clean in music and exploring the goodness the world has to offer without going down in flames.

[jeremy.c.]

^ This. Good post.

[LeMauce]

Originally Posted by jeremy.c.

^ This. Good post.

With him...

Putt some time in it... not to much. Life your own live and invest your important time in things that can make / bring you forward.

[philyesphil]

only help her if she gets addiction help.

[Reptil]

yeah she has to REALLY WANT TO GET OFF IT.
then you should determine if you really love her. funny thing that..

moving to a different place (away from the environment that reminds her of the habit) could be a solution, but only if her addiction is not due to some psychological trauma, otherwise she'll go to another substance abuse in no time. So.. get some councelling as well, if you're serious about it, eventually.

then, I'm not a psychologist, but worked with a few, and I can tell you, heroïn addiction can be cured, a friend/colleage kicked the habit, is 100% clean, turned his life around, proud father of two, but it'll cause some BIG waves.
for now get her CLEAN NEEDLES is she hasn't already and use condoms.
if she's going cold turkey, take it very seriously: it'll cause a big dent in her health at that moment.

good luck! everyone's worth saving, but you got to figure out if she's the one for you.

[verve92]

When or if she kicks it. Have her watch Trainspotting. Prolly the best junkie movie and an AMAZING soundtrack! From Lou Reed to Underworld and everything in between.
Before I met my wife I had a penchant for sick women (emotionally, usually).
This may or may not apply, but I had to figure out why I ended up with these types of women.
If you are in love with her. Ask yourself why. The heart and mind often are mirages of each other.....
One more thing to echo Reptil: People don't change just because you want them to; they have to want to change and then have a chance...

BTW where is the OP? He has not posted since.

[Oden]

If she really loves you she will quit the drugs .