Judging people

[Kronos147]

Not really a moan or gripe, more of a philosophical topic.

When you meet someone new, do you sort of start them at 100% and detract for character flaws or do you start them at 0% and make them earn their way up?

Almost sort of a pessimistic versus optimistic thing...

[suedesound]

glass half full here. unless i have a reason to doubt them i start at 100. that said i can tell pretty quickly if they're going to 50% or less in the first few minutes.

[JP11]

I give them a 50-50 chance!

But either way, I treat them at 100%...

(if they don't reciprocate, that tends to be what lowers 'em down in my book...)

[Lrmusic]

Originally Posted by Kronos147

When you meet someone new, do you sort of start them at 100% and detract for character flaws or do you start them at 0% and make them earn their way up?

It depends; it could be either of those.

First impressions are important. Someone who makes a good first impression on me will fit more into the former category, and someone who makes a poor one will fit more into the latter.

Neither would start at 100% or 0% unless their first impressions were particularly great or horrible. It would be closer to 75% or 25%.

Also, it depends on my mood. When I'm in a happy or relaxed mood, I don't think much about others' weaknesses (and when I do, I'm more forgiving of them), and when I'm feeling like shit, the opposite is true. I'd then try my best, of course, to discount shitty-mood-inspired negative judgments. They probably still stick on some level, though.

[JoRillo]

Hmm... I'm a pretty respectful dude. I'd say it can definitely vary - but I know anyone I didn't like prior to meeting them - I had a bad opinion and it could start me on the wrong foot, even if they turn out to be a great person. On the other hand people who I have expected to be great can turn into real a** holes lol.

[Thomas W. Bethe]

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged! Matthew 7:1

FWIW

[ljona]

I quess it depends on who you are but be you at your best. Always.
If you can´t do it for some reason, don´t pass the ill feelings to someone else.
Be aware of your condition and thoughts and take a deep breath. Shut your mind off.
If you have to think about it or if you feel the need of judging maybe one´s ego is in the way.
The main reason for conflicts is ego. A false self.
Take that away and we´ll all be in better place spiritually.
Then I don´t need to be "better than" and we don´t see the flaws of
others ´cause we know there´s a reason for their behavior.
They are incomplete. They are in suffer. We all have something to work on.
I strongly suggest Eckhard Tolle´s book A New Earth. Do not surpass it.
You will be a better human BEING reading it. It´s all question of being. NOW.
And not in your mind.
Unless you have to of course

[Sqye]

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The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.

-Winston Churchill

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[Beat Poet]

I start from 0% and see if they can earn my respect. You can usually just tell a fair portion of what they're all about within the first thirty seconds, or by the way they walk in and carry themselves and stuff. The way not to judge people though is by judging their character against yours, say like if you're introverted, you shouldn't think an extrovert you meet is automatically a bad person.

[krheatman]

I think there are a couple of different contexts you are dealing with here.From a spiritual context,if you are a sinner,who are you to judge another,when it comes to eternal judgement.But from a trust perspective,say in business,or giving someone the key's to borrow your car,that is different.

I think the older you get,and as more people have come into your life,it is harder to trust just anyone.Everyone is selling something,and about their own agenda.You really need to have some experience with the person or entity to base your decision.You don't just give someone the keys to the kingdom,trust is earned.
I think you need to prove you can be trusted with the small things before big things should come your way,unless you already know them to be of good character.That being said,when people get too much,too soon,and they have flawed character,the crash is inevitable.

Sent from my PC36100 using Gearslutz.com

[kennybro]

I think it's all interactive and dynamic. No two situations alike.

I try not to judge at all, but that's not possible being a human and all. The glass shifts between empty and full, depending on all circumstances. Too complicated to quantify.

[Sqye]

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I like to judge people way ahead of time, before I meet them - even before I know they EXIST.

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[oweng]

i hate the human race .... every single one


except for the bitches of course

[Howie J]

Originally Posted by Sounds Great

..I tend to assume the best, until they prove otherwise.

+1

Unfortunately this can be discouraging some days as it doesn't take some people too long to prove it...


Howie J

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by Howie J

+1

Unfortunately this can be discouraging some days as it doesn't take some people too long to prove it...


Howie J

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Awwww, who are we KIDDING - people SUCK!!! ....Let's FACE IT!!!



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[kennybro]

I forget who said it...

"I just stereotype. It's quicker."

[jonathan jetter]

i start them at 100%. or at least, i try to.

i get burned once in a while but it's better than going through life so cynical.

if it's a business thing...i'm gonna make sure my end is covered (deposits, contracts, etc). and if it's a friendship thing, i don't really open up to people until i know them well.

but i will start with the assumption that they're worth working with, or worth getting to know, and i'll build toward that. life is short. and along with the work i'm doing....my interaction with other human beings is the most important part of my being here.

[tonemaker]

I start out neutral and add or subtract depending upon experiences with them. I try to treat everyone with respect however, even if I have a more negative view of them. Actions of mutual respect is what keeps the world civilized and prevents wars and regional conflicts and arguments with neighbors in the apartment and arguments with coworkers and strangers.

I wish we didn't have so many politicians/sociopaths who go against this grain. (For example, the neocons advocating pre-emptive strikes of war!) War spreads war, peace spreads peace. It's the same even at the interpersonal level. You don't make progress by pissing everyone off.

[Sqye]

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I don't judge people, I just go straight to prosecuting them.



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[Howie J]

....Shoot first ask questions later???

Sounds like the motto of some of my tech students...

[jonathan jetter]

Originally Posted by Sounds Great

Why?

for me, if i am honest with myself, everything else rings hollow when i put it up against the work i do and the people with whom i share my life.

not saying that you need to agree, of course, or that you need to live your life that way.

[doom64]

Originally Posted by astroidmist

I wish we didn't have so many politicians/sociopaths who go against this grain. (For example, the neocons advocating pre-emptive strikes of war!) War spreads war, peace spreads peace. It's the same even at the interpersonal level. You don't make progress by pissing everyone off.

Yep, everybody knows that one guy. The d-bag (when has a feminine hygeine product become a "bad word" it's used on network television and radio with FCC regulations abound) who c-blocks you when you're trying to pick up a girl. The dude who insults you for no reason other than his insecurities. That's the pre-emptive stiking jerk off who wonders why he just got a fist between the eyes after the person who was the butt end of his jokes had enough.

Then the guy presses charges against you for assault. Hmm...this does kind of remind me of U.S. foreign policy...

[robertshaw]

Originally Posted by JP11

I give them a 50-50 chance!
)

+1
yeah ying & yang man, even people you don't 'click' with you can learn something from. Life is all about balance you need take people as they are and as long as you can take something away and learned from it it was worth giving them a chance.

the older I get the more I realize life is all Karma. Many times you meet people you don't like because something about them reminds them of a bad trait in yourself or something you may fear you will become or something you fear you will not become.

many life experiences are based on a sort of payback. Karma...... You treat someone poorly and don't even realize it, then someone treats you poorly and it angers you...then you step back and realize wow!!! I do that or wow!!! or I didn't like the way that felt when he called me a name.

It's like here people sometimes take you the wrong way and they instantly try to belittle you by calling you a name or insulting you. It's funny actually. There is such as stigma in this world for certain things. Like a sort of peer pressure. but a certain mindset and if you go against the grain they automatically think you are an idiot or you don't know what you are talking about. I get that all the time

With meeting new people you have to just accept them. I'm going for my masters degree in computer Science. This is my 3rd year. It's a 2 year program but I'm taking my time cuz I'm slow. I have dyslexia and I did too many drugs when I was in bands Anyway. I's taking a second part of a Digital electronics course in computer Architecture. Anyway I been at the school for 3 years and everyone in the dept knows me and I'm the oldest person there other than 1/2 the professors. Anyway the younger kids always try to outdo me and I feel this sort of competition. I don't really feel competitive, but I feel they are trying to show me that they are smarter than me? they prolly are but I've been around ..... they are 24 or 25 I'm mid 40s so I have more experience with computers. I started programming in 1980 they werent born for another 10 years

So friday I was in the lab and we are designing a 32 bit CPU from the ground up. This is the first week so there are a few guys I don't know but they have seen me around. So we use this program called Cadence which is an Electronics program used for semiconductor design (among other things.)

I have been using Cadence for years so I know it well but Friday were starting to rough out the design the clocks and the base registers and this kid behind me was watching over my shoulder the whole time. I was doing whatever and he was like "oh wait let me show you a quicker way....." And I was doing something totally different than what he thought I was doing. Anyway like 4 times he did this during the lab... I kept my cool but I wanted to say shut the f*** up. But I thought to myself I used to do that when I was young. Jump on the older guy to try and prove I was as smart or whatever. Since I felt I had to prove myself. Anyway this kid is prolly a hell of alot brighter than me but 20 years ago I would have gotten in a brawl with him but I just blew it off and instead, and looked at that he was only trying to help and hes prolly a good kid deep down. And it made me feel stupid actually since I recall doing things like that when I was his age. but you live and learn. And you learn something good or bad about yourself in the process it makes you a better person.

It's like when a 15 year metalhead comes in the studio he wants you to tell you how to mic his amp or someone has protools LE at home and they tell you your doing something wrong or there is a quicker way. Just take it with a grain of salt. and go with the flow and hell, you might learn something in the process? so it's how you look at the situation

[ritelec]

Originally Posted by Sqye

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Awwww, who are we KIDDING - people SUCK!!! ....Let's FACE IT!!!



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Yep.

Bonk Bonk on the Head

[MikeTSH]

Originally Posted by Sqye

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I like to judge people way ahead of time, before I meet them - even before I know they EXIST.

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Wait, you're not that pair of eyes staring at me from outside my window, are you? :P

[Freematik]

The human brain is hard wired to categorize "things". Instant and complex categorization is how we are able to exist, so in a sense no matter what you do, you will be "judging" someone actually hundreds to thousands of times:

For example, right as you meet someone, your brain starts making categorizations:

-blond person, sports nut, looks tired, old shoes, annoying voice, etc. etc. etc.

It happens no matter what you do, so I don't think it's a matter of moving someone up or down in your view of them... it's just a categorization that automatically happens.

The trick is to know you are doing it and why.

[kafka]

Originally Posted by Kronos147

When you meet someone new, do you sort of start them at 100% and detract for character flaws or do you start them at 0% and make them earn their way up?

Neither. I start with about 80% and work my way from there. Most people stay right about 80%, but more people move up than down.

[suedesound]

one the best oxymorons of my personality is that i prided myself on being humble. literally took me years to get how stupid that is.

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by MikeTSH

Wait, you're not that pair of eyes staring at me from outside my window, are you? :P

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OK, now put the gun down...slowly...yes, that's it....and PLEASE take some the low end off the reverb tails on that vocal track you have solo'd...



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