Controlling my temper toward music upcomers, artists etc...

[sopre]

Dealing with unknown artist or people who have businees practices, how do you handle it? I am a very quiet guy. The best part about me is my humor. But I have a really really bad temper and can be mean. Certain people gave done me wrong, I don't return their calls or if I see them out somewhere I act like I don't know them. I did that to an artist once who did me wrong, then he heard what I was doing and tried to get in good. One session during an audio school pract. session? I blew up at a student who thought he was a superstar producer. I gave him free studio time and all that. My friend pulled me to the side and said I can't so that. So I've calmed down, but still have that I am going to be mean and ignore you tactic. Sadly, I've done that with women too.

[akai96]

Originally Posted by sopre

Dealing with unknown artist or people who have businees practices, how do you handle it? I am a very quiet guy. The best part about me is my humor. But I have a really really bad temper and can be mean. Certain people gave done me wrong, I don't return their calls or if I see them out somewhere I act like I don't know them. I did that to an artist once who did me wrong, then he heard what I was doing and tried to get in good. One session during an audio school pract. session? I blew up at a student who thought he was a superstar producer. I gave him free studio time and all that. My friend pulled me to the side and said I can't so that. So I've calmed down, but still have that I am going to be mean and ignore you tactic. Sadly, I've done that with women too.

Sorry to hear that,I kind of understand. Try to get through the day with out worrying about your emotions.
That's what true professionalism is about(in my book). Just like working a day job and dealing with absurd customers. Get the job done,then deal with it afterwards.

[Darwin James]

I used to be the epitome of anger. I just beat a 3rd strike case, I got the felonies to prove it. Then I found Christ, my life changed. Find Christ.

[tekis]

Maybe you should be grateful that you're in this business at all. I am. There are legions of people that HATE their jobs. I'm not one of them...

[Dean Roddey]

There's always valium. Even if you do end up getting into a fight still, you'll be so zonked that you'll get beaten really badly and can sue them for a lot of money. So it'll all work out for the best in the end.

[silent-sam]

Originally Posted by sopre

Dealing with unknown artist or people who have businees practices, how do you handle it? I am a very quiet guy. The best part about me is my humor. But I have a really really bad temper and can be mean. Certain people gave done me wrong, I don't return their calls or if I see them out somewhere I act like I don't know them. I did that to an artist once who did me wrong, then he heard what I was doing and tried to get in good. One session during an audio school pract. session? I blew up at a student who thought he was a superstar producer. I gave him free studio time and all that. My friend pulled me to the side and said I can't so that. So I've calmed down, but still have that I am going to be mean and ignore you tactic. Sadly, I've done that with women too.

I can totally relate with you..... I am very much the same person. I am a very quiet guy with lots to say, and I tend to keep stuff to myself, which can sometimes result in an explosion of anger...... I have blown up on a couple of my clients who have tryed to take advantage of me, and I have considered physical violence... However after considering the consequences, you realize it's just not worth it.

If something like this happens I am not sure I can say that ignoring the person it happened with is a bad idea..... However the goal is to try your best not to let it happen, so you don't have to make that choice, to ignore someone later.


If you are anything like me ( I am going to assume you are) you also hate drama and confrontation, so when I feel like exploding I try to think of a couple things:

1. Think of the consequences..... I don't want to have to make an extra effort to ignore certin people when I am out in public, just as much as I don't want to make small talk with people I don't know or don't like. Not being super social with people you don't like is one thing...... having to leave the room when someone shows up, because you don't want to face them, because you told them there are a ****ing loser is another thing..... It's just more for YOU to worry about. YOU don't want to have to deal with people boo-hoo'ing because YOU snapped on them.....even if they deserved it.

2.How much longer do I have to put up with this shit? In a situation like the student session you explained.... you just have to be able to remind yourself that "This day will soon be over" and you and everyone else will be much more comfortable at the end of the day, if you refrain from exploding, and deal with it in your own way on your own time.... weather that means venting to someone later.... or just going home and punching a hole in the wall.

Obviously every situation isn't one where you SHOULD keep totally quiet..

I have been in situations where I was being taken advantage of.... I was frustrated and angry and I HAD to say something simply because I felt I had nothing to loose, And i didn't want to have a reputation of being a chump... nothing I could say would make my situation better but that doesn't mean I have to make it even worse.

Even when you feel like you have nothing to loose... just think about the point you want to get across and do it in a way that doesn't involve you freaking out.

When you freak out on people, sure it's un-professional..... but I think the real problem is that people just miss the point. If you end up telling someone "HOW IT IS" in an aggressive angry way, they often just assume your just a prick..... and they can use that to justify there stupidity.... EVEN IF YOU ARE 100% RIGHT.

Moral of the story....

Pick your battles.... if nothing NEEDS to be said then don't say anything.... if you feel like saying something take a second to decide if it is worth the consequences. AND take a second to remind yourself that the day will soon be over..... Leave the room if you have to.... In-vision where you will be at the end of the day.

If something needs to be said to someone, consider the fact that if you present yourself in an angry way , chances are that someone will just use your anger to further justify there actions, and try to make it seem like your just an irrational crazy prick.... Don't give that to someone who has done you wrong!

Don't give them the opportunity to exploit you EVEN MORE and use your anger as a scapegoat.

Like with the student.... he still thinks he is the shit....and you had to give him studio time ontop of that.

If someone is doing you wrong and you really want to CRUSH them, and call them out, then do it in a way that they can't deny there actions by shifting the focus of the problem off there stupidity onto your anger.

[AllAboutTone]

Originally Posted by Darwin James

I used to be the epitome of anger. I just beat a 3rd strike case, I got the felonies to prove it. Then I found Christ, my life changed. Find Christ.

I have no jail record but you speak so true.......works every time.

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by Darwin James

I used to be the epitome of anger. I just beat a 3rd strike case, I got the felonies to prove it. Then I found Christ, my life changed. Find Christ.

.

what if you don't need christ?...i think it's RIDICULOUS to assume people need
some kind of religion to solve and control emotional problems...

in my opinion, this is almost as bad as using medication to solve everything -
unless you simply cannot function without it.

...and after all, not everyone's a convicted felon...or unhappy with who they are...

glad you got your life together, darwin...kudos...

...but diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks...

but you should be able to be responsible for yourself - with or WITHOUT fairy tales...

.

[Uncle Bob]

Sometimes the best reaction is to laugh.

I was working a session a number of years ago where the completely unknown and chronically untalented artist in question took on airs like he like had the talents and already achieved the success of Elvis, the Beatles and Quincy Jones rolled into one. After a few hours of his annoying and verging on abusive behavior towards myself and the others involved in the session I just started laughing hysterically. It was just so absurd, this spoiled two year old brat in an adults body thinking that he had any talent, skills or any hope of success. The more he kept screaming the harder I laughed and the rest of the people there started laughing too. I then walked out of the studio and told the studio manager to find another engineer; the session players soon followed. The clown in question stormed out of the studio swearing that he would get us all black-listed, blah blah blah. Of course, the walking anal sphincter was never heard from again.

[theblue1]

I'm not a quiet guy, I'm generally somewhat genial -- but that can make my occasional fits of anger all the more disconcerting to those around me (or virtually around me). It's something I've had to deal with my whole life -- I was a real hothead when I was young.

But I got to a point, when I was a young man, that more and more of the world I saw around me really pissed me off. And, as I defined more and more of the world around me as evil or stupid or just terminally annoying, that world became an increasingly stupid, evil, and just plain annoying place to live.

When I finally stumbled on a strategy for dealing with it, I wasn't immediately aware that it paralleled the teachings of people like Jesus, Buddha, Lao Tsu, Zoroaster, et al.

For me the strategy grew out of my study of psychology (in school and out) and my rational belief in causality.

It occurred to me at a certain point that, at any given point in time, a person is the sum of his experience and his physical process. He or she may have a choice about the future (free will is a pragmatic notion to hold, I've found, at least for me) but at that moment, they are simply who they are and what events and conditions have led them to be at that moment.

That doesn't mean I have to like them, enjoy being around them, even tolerate them -- but it does give me a leverage point in my own process to sort of forgive them for being who they are right then. And by forgiving them, I'm also releasing that part of my mind that was going to be caught up in judging and emotionally reacting to them.

Now, of course, I, too, (I found) am human. So I also have to forgive myself when I find myself having unproductive reactions to things around me, internalizing my negative reactions and so potentially binding me to that which I'm having the negative reaction to.

The pragmatic aspect here is to allow oneself to be oneself, and not beat oneself up for not living up to one's own ideals or intended approach to life, as well as to free oneself from internalizing all-too-natural negative reactions to people (or events) around us.

This does not mean turning a blind eye to evil or stupidity or passively accepting it -- much the contrary. It allows one to actually go mano a mano with the very real trouble in one's life and in this troubled world, while giving one a strategy for dealing with the inevitable human reactions to all that in the world which is worse than we might like it to be.

In other words, just because you are attempting to contextualize negative emotions, people or events in such a way as to not poison yourself with your 'natural' reactions to them, you are not disengaging from the world or the 'battle against evil.' But you are, hopefully giving yourself a pragmatic strategy that will enable you to engage or not engage with those aspects of the world without letting that evil poison oneself.

I hope that makes some kind of sense. I haven't had much coffee yet.

[Dean Roddey]

As I've gotten older, I just find that I don't give enough of a crap about other people's shite to even get pissed off about it. I don't have the energy to bother. If anyone even got close to the point where it could piss me off, they'd have to be so over the line that I'd be completely justified to just walk away and not have anything to do with them ever again, because it would have to be a massive and purposeful provocation. And I've always felt that, if you let some one piss you off, they've won. Even if they lost the battle, they still won the war.

[musikwerks]

Originally Posted by Sqye

but you should be able to be responsible for yourself - with or WITHOUT fairy tales...

Sqye... you're entitled to your opinion, just like Darwin, but to call his beliefs "fairytales", to me, is the height of arrogance. It's also counter to the forum rules.

[AllAboutTone]

Originally Posted by Sqye

.

what if you don't need christ?...i think it's RIDICULOUS to assume people need
some kind of religion to solve and control emotional problems...

Just to clear things up, Darwin mention Christ !!! , never said anything about a religion. btw religion gets us nowhere, also no one ever said there "was a Christ", but try reading John 3:16

Peace......

[theblue1]

I don't think one has to engage in religion to appreciate the teachings attributed to Jesus -- or the aforementioned Buddha or Lao Tsu.

I'm not talking about God and metaphysics here -- I used to be an atheist until I realized that was every bit as much a leap of faith as theism, now you'd have to say I'm an agnostic, I guess. No, I'm talking about a basic, pragmatic, practical approach to life and specifically dealing with fellow humans.

[HookedOnHardware]

My (possible) problem towards clients is that I am a sarcastic mother****er. I say 'possible' as only a small percentage understands my sarcastic and cynical way of making it 'clear' that I do not like the way the person is acting. Up to now, it has always resolved. Either I; kindly forward the client to someone who might, in a particular case, suit the client's needs better or I just suck it up and finish the session (future bookings perpetually pending).

Going totally ape shit, for me as a business owner, in normal conditions is not an option.

I can only imagine doing so if a client intentially goes around the studio to break the expensive stuff. In that case, he's ****ed (physically and financially). let's hope it never comes down to that .

[jeremy.c.]

Originally Posted by theblue1

I don't think one has to engage in religion to appreciate the teachings attributed to Jesus -- or the aforementioned Buddha or Lao Tsu.

I'm not talking about God and metaphysics here -- I used to be an atheist until I realized that was every bit as much a leap of faith as theism, now you'd have to say I'm an agnostic, I guess. No, I'm talking about a basic, pragmatic, practical approach to life and specifically dealing with fellow humans.

The beauty of Buddhism, is that it is absolute, hard nosed pragmatism. Buddha even said, hey don't believe me, go find out for yourself! Gotta respeck a guy who can walk the walk... I fall into your camp of agnosticism as well, as I find the question of deism irrelevant to living a good and sane life.
And to stick up for Sqye, even if his opinion sounded a little harsh, he makes a valid point that I had to bite my tongue not to say either. It's horribly simplistic and unrealistic to ask someone to just find "so and so" and all your problems go away. Whether a man will admit it or not, it's not the fact he put "so and so" in his life that changed him for the better, it's because he made the decision to change that changed him for the better, regardless of who he models his behavior on. Those who think that just adding "so and so" to your life will make you a peaceful warrior are destined to fail because they have made no commitment to a better life themselves.
It's the same door with 6 billion paths leading to it; there's no one size fits all spirituality (inner peace).

[jeremy.c.]

Originally Posted by HookedOnHardware

My (possible) problem towards clients is that I am a sarcastic mother****er. I say 'possible' as only a small percentage understands my sarcastic and cynical way of making it 'clear' that I do not like the way the person is acting. Up to now, it has always resolved. Either I; kindly forward the client to someone who might, in a particular case, suit the client's needs better or I just suck it up and finish the session (future bookings perpetually pending).

I have found that difficult people always find people they can't work with and people they absolutely glom onto and love and totally cooperate with. Somehow that latter person is usually me, so I get stuck with a lot of pain in the asses liking me and coming to me for help. This is not always a positive thing... for me anyway...
so send your a-holes over to me, they'll probably cooperate... gah!

[Dean Roddey]

Originally Posted by HookedOnHardware

My (possible) problem towards clients is that I am a sarcastic mother****er. I say 'possible' as only a small percentage understands my sarcastic and cynical way of making it 'clear' that I do not like the way the person is acting.

It's funny that, on the "Bat Out of Hell" Classic Albums DVD, they joke about how Todd Rungren is incredibly sarcastic and never made a single positive comment about anything any of them ever did the whole time.

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by musikwerks

Sqye... you're entitled to your opinion, just like Darwin, but to call his beliefs "fairytales", to me, is the height of arrogance. It's also counter to the forum rules.

.

if you call arrogance "logic", then you could be right......and yes, this is obviously my opinion.

...i guess calling me arrogant is not breaking forum rules...

as for forum rules - god didn't create gear - man did. welcome to gearslutz.

and speaking of tempers and losing control - more people have been killed in the name of god...

i have VERY bad experiences with people trying to solve everyone else's problems with religion.

if you want to worship, go for it - but to mission to other people on a science and technology-oriented forum seems completely out-of-context and inappropriate here, in my opinion.

you're welcome to your religion - but please keep it to yourself here - if you don't mind.


cheers.

.

[TRA]

Originally Posted by Darwin James

I used to be the epitome of anger. I just beat a 3rd strike case, I got the felonies to prove it. Then I found Christ, my life changed. Find Christ.

Hey...it worked for Dog the Bounty Hunter!

[narcoman]

i have a very very bad temper.

But it's lessened over the years. It's called growing up. some do it at 18. Some at 40 . some never do. Find your "growing up" time.

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by olivia_nb

The beauty of Buddhism, is that it is absolute, hard nosed pragmatism. Buddha even said, hey don't believe me, go find out for yourself! Gotta respeck a guy who can walk the walk... I fall into your camp of agnosticism as well, as I find the question of deism irrelevant to living a good and sane life.
And to stick up for Sqye, even if his opinion sounded a little harsh, he makes a valid point that I had to bite my tongue not to say either. It's horribly simplistic and unrealistic to ask someone to just find "so and so" and all your problems go away. Whether a man will admit it or not, it's not the fact he put "so and so" in his life that changed him for the better, it's because he made the decision to change that changed him for the better, regardless of who he models his behavior on. Those who think that just adding "so and so" to your life will make you a peaceful warrior are destined to fail because they have made no commitment to a better life themselves.
It's the same door with 6 billion paths leading to it; there's no one size fits all spirituality (inner peace).

.

well said...

.

[Dean Roddey]

I fall into your camp of agnosticism as well, as I find the question of deism irrelevant to living a good and sane life.

I always find it interesting that people never make the extremely obvious observation that, if the point of religion is to provide a set of rules to have us live a good life and be just fand fair, but even if we follow them we are still damned if we don't give alleigance to a God, then that God is clearly more concerned about his ego than about whether we do good or not. What kind of example is that, and what kind of God is that? Who'd want to kiss the butt of that kind of egomaniac?

[Sqye]

Originally Posted by Dean Roddey

I always find it interesting that people never make the extremely obvious observation that, if the point of religion is to provide a set of rules to have us live a good life and be just fand fair, but even if we follow them we are still damned if we don't give alleigance to a God, then that God is clearly more concerned about his ego than about whether we do good or not. What kind of example is that, and what kind of God is that? Who'd want to kiss the butt of that kind of egomaniac?

.

well put!!!!!....that is one of the best quotes YET!

.

[Uncle Bob]

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." - Voltaire

[deda]

Originally Posted by theblue1

I don't think one has to engage in religion to appreciate the teachings attributed to Jesus -- or the aforementioned Buddha or Lao Tsu.

I'm not talking about God and metaphysics here -- I used to be an atheist until I realized that was every bit as much a leap of faith as theism, now you'd have to say I'm an agnostic, I guess. No, I'm talking about a basic, pragmatic, practical approach to life and specifically dealing with fellow humans.

Damn fine frame of mind and your last sentence is very profound. So I am lifting it for the quote page by the way.

One is wise to read and listen to all of historys and present time wise men, why leave out Jesus because your not a Christen thats like leaving out Sun Tzu because your not Chinese.

Your last sentence and approach you speak of would dovetail nicely into the thinking required for the true first requirement of an Anarchiest "Think Utopian" Society. That "Everyone Must Get Along" and this is done from absolute necessity. I see you do not mention government or any type of master, not needed if one follows your last sentence's advise and then they pass it on forever positively evolving.

The Utopian Socity is impossible to attain for the masses but I have lived in one for 49 years and being able to do it similer to the old saying "It's not being rich, it's being able to live like you are".

I followed your advice or your approach to life stated in your last sentence, 49 years ago.

Regards ,,deda,,

Additionally, this post may seem off topic but it's not, not even close. If the op takes theblue1's advice coupled with the statement I made about "Everyone Must Get Along" and drills it into the head of some of his problem people thus quickening the evolutionary process, "We All Get Along" or "We All Don't Get" he will be rid of his temper issue once and for all one would hope.

[deda]

Originally Posted by musikwerks

Sqye... you're entitled to your opinion, just like Darwin, but to call his beliefs "fairytales", to me, is the height of arrogance. It's also counter to the forum rules.

There will be no need to close this forum if moderated as you have just attempted to do, everyone will leave or be thrown out damn quick. If his use of Fairytales even crosses your mind as being over the line the the thought of you ever being a moderator should be squashed.

Regards ,,deda,,

[Darwin James]

[HookedOnHardware]

Ah yes, the infamous video of an unfortunate youngster trying to shove a remote up his bum.

I'm sure it sucks to be him.

[Stitch333]

Originally Posted by AllAboutTone

Just to clear things up, Darwin mention Christ !!! , never said anything about a religion. btw religion gets us nowhere, also no one ever said there "was a Christ", but try reading John 3:16

so I guess if I need a car and say "I'm getting a Pinto", you would say "a Pinto isn't a car, a Ford is a car"?
Truly sad and convoluted semantic argument...

My opinion is if you need Religion to have control of yourself, good for you.
PLEASE don't push it on me tho.

...Spirituality on the other-hand is a WHOLE other topic...

@OP: a good long walk once a day is a great way to let bygones be bygones.