She wont wear my Jewlery gifts! WTF.

[Zooey]

Originally Posted by Spookym15

So your not really in a relationship with her? She may think you are being too forward.

If by "forward" you mean "creepy," I agree.

[ONDRAY]

Give her a pearl necklaced , woman love that.

[Jay-]

There nothing creepy about it. Iv cooker her dinner over 100 times in the past 2 years.
I gave her a new gift last night walking home when I pulled a 6 week old kitten out of a live drainage ditch being swept away into the sewer. Didn't cost me a cent and I looked the hero. Pretty nice kitten also, bright orange tabby!

[jahala]

Giving gifts for no particular reason at all to a girl you don't have a relationship to, or don't have a special friendship with is a brilliant way to tell a woman you're only after her body.. And if the age difference between you is more than 8-10 years you can add a "creepy old guy" label too..

If you really want to get with someone, invite them out for a coffe or a picknic in the park.. Something basic and "plain".. If she says yes, she wants to get to know you better. If she says no, she isn't interested or she isn't "impressed" - Which would indicate that shes not worth spending time on anyhow.

[henryrobinett]

Hey! Where's Jay- the OP?? I want to hear his feedback on all this! A lot of great, eye opening advice. Let's hear it dude. What's the story?

Edot -- Oops. I never left page one. I see Jay responded.

[Jay-]

O I cant say anything came of it..
Real story is Im moving back to the USA and already asked her to come with me.
But its still "friends" I guess thats ok also!

[donsolo]

I'm sorry dude, but if I was a chick, you would have no chance.

"Hey come move far away with me, I know we're not in a relationship or anything but I'll buy you stuff..." CREEPY

I'm going to put this in a very clear way. Soulmates are 3 parts:

Emotional/Intellectual compatibility
Physical Attraction
Timing (as in they feel the same way)

Everyone neglects part 3. They think that objectively there is this one person somewhere that's just perfect for them in every way and they are just waiting for you too...it's just not true, statistically, about 1 half of 1% of all people would fit this bill, That's like 1500 people in america (correct my math if I'm wrong by a decimal or two) and not all of them are available or dig you.

All 3 have to line up and if you want a real long term (IE marrying) relationship, all 3 have to be there in full force. There are MANY girls that 2 of the 3 will work, IE they're super cool and they love you to death but you wouldn't hit it with a 10 foot pole, They're super cool and you're head over heels for them but they just don't feel the same way, you both have crazy monkey sexy but it's like talking to a sack of rocks...

None of those are really worth the effort. And nowhere on that list is gifts, money spent etc.

My wife, our first date, was pizza and a movie out of my collection in my dorm. Cost me about $15, the budget never really changed (except for the wedding).

And in my experience (I do have some in this area) the chicks that want phyiscal things like jewelry and flowers etc are the first ones to cheat on you, if their affections can be purchased, someone else WILL purchase them.

What I've ALWAYS found is that if you're trying to make a relationship work, it won't. If you just let it happen, good things will come.

[Duardo]

OMFG..and you believe that...sounds like something a parent says to a child when the child wants you to ware the macaroni necklace they made at school to work!!!

All you do in that case is put it on when you get in the car, take it off when you get to work, and then put it back on when you get back in the car.

Or, just wear it to work...why not? I suppose it depends on what your job is.

[jimmydeluxe]

Originally Posted by Jay-

There nothing creepy about it. Iv cooker her dinner over 100 times in the past 2 years.
I gave her a new gift last night walking home when I pulled a 6 week old kitten out of a live drainage ditch being swept away into the sewer. Didn't cost me a cent and I looked the hero. Pretty nice kitten also, bright orange tabby!

There's nothing you can do in this situation now--you've been stuck in the friend-zone since the first dinner you cooked and didn't get her buzzed and have sex, maybe even before that.

Everything "nice guys," here said about getting to know women is great, if it were 1940. It's not, and times have changed. Women are just as masculine--in many cases, more so--than most men, and all that old school "nice guy," behavior makes you look like a big pu--y. You need to look up Neill Strauss on myspace--he wrote a book called, "The Game." I'm not saying it's good, but if you read some of his techniques on how to treat women, it would balance out your own nice-guy, needy, "sweet," behavior that will only continue to make friends of women you like.

The truth is, women are always pursuing someone, so if you want to be that guy, you have to be a challenge.

You also need to listen to Tom Leykis when you get back to the US, or go to his web site. His show features his own experience, and countless american men who call in to say about how they were, "nice guys," and got trampled in life by women.

I'm not a woman-hater, I love women for what they are, and have been with some of the most attractive in the highest-attractiveness bracket in the country (world)--Los Angeles. I never had to buy anything to do this, though sometimes I did--as in drinks, not jewelry! Occasionally lunch or dinner--preferably brunch the next day.

When I say "for what they are," I mean that men cannot use a woman to find their self-worth, seeking approval, etc. If you behave this way, as most of us do, it's not going to work out. As soon as you need a woman more than she needs you, it's over--clearly the case with "goldie."

I would recommend practicing on women you're not attracted to. If you think this is cold, just realize that that is how women do it--they've been practicing at relationships since they were on the playground at school--while we were dreaming of being on the radio!

I've coached dozens of men into successful relationships, most or all of them were, "nice guys." That didn't change, but they learned how to behave in order to appear interesting (a challenge) to women, not needy. I used to be a pu--y too--luckily, I never got in too deep--kids, married, divorced, broke etc. Since I've demonstrated new behavior, women respect me, and actually want to be with me, because they can see I don't NEED them.

Sorry for the long post, but if you listen and apply, it will help, I promise!

[donsolo]

The reality with The Game and methods like that is that it truly only has one goal in mind, coitis.

If that's your goal, hell yea. Go for it. But otherwise those are really only there to get part two of my description working (get them attracted to you).

I mean, the part that everyone is saying but not saying is that clearly the OP is not in the headspace for a meaningful romantic relationship anyway.

And I agree with the friend zone comment 100%. If you're going for a relationship, you can't try to cop a feel while she cries on your shoulder, she should only be crying on your shoulder after you've played "let's just put the tip in." (and I mean far after, not directly related)

If you're too much of a nice guy, you're in the wrong headspace and probably being kinda fake about it anyway. How many times have you looked for meaningful and loving when really you just wanted to knock one off (and I mean deep down inside).

If you're trying to tag bitchez, you're also in the wrong headspace for anything meaningful.

As for relationship coaching, I don't know if I'd recommend it. Therapy maybe...

Most of the things that are holding you back are internal and cannot be taught. You gotta love yourself before you can truly love another as corny as that sounds.

And as for the "if this were 1940s" statement, I've gotten my fair share when I was single (just a few years back). You get them with these "methods" but they stick around for the goods...being a good guy never hurts.

And any chick that puts you in the friend zone for being a good guy is in no headspace for a meaningful relationship either! She's still in the "I'm going to sleep with the badboy" phase. Let her. If you really want to tag it, you gotta play the part. But she'll grow out of that phase later and you'll have that stigma...

So now is the time to ask yourself, do you want ass or do you want love? And don't be ashamed of either responce. If you really just want to knock some of those notches off your belt, go that way but quit lying to yourself if that's true. If the other way is true, don't ever be fake for even one minute (fake as in nicer than you really are, fake as in badder than you really are) and yeah, it's going to take some time to find a girl that's really worth dealing with on the long term.

My advise though is get a few notches while you can.

[jimmydeluxe]

Originally Posted by donsolo

The reality with The Game and methods like that is that it truly only has one goal in mind, coitis.

If that's your goal, hell yea. Go for it. But otherwise those are really only there to get part two of my description working (get them attracted to you).

I mean, the part that everyone is saying but not saying is that clearly the OP is not in the headspace for a meaningful romantic relationship anyway.

And I agree with the friend zone comment 100%. If you're going for a relationship, you can't try to cop a feel while she cries on your shoulder, she should only be crying on your shoulder after you've played "let's just put the tip in." (and I mean far after, not directly related)

If you're too much of a nice guy, you're in the wrong headspace and probably being kinda fake about it anyway. How many times have you looked for meaningful and loving when really you just wanted to knock one off (and I mean deep down inside).

If you're trying to tag bitchez, you're also in the wrong headspace for anything meaningful.

As for relationship coaching, I don't know if I'd recommend it. Therapy maybe...

Most of the things that are holding you back are internal and cannot be taught. You gotta love yourself before you can truly love another as corny as that sounds.

And as for the "if this were 1940s" statement, I've gotten my fair share when I was single (just a few years back). You get them with these "methods" but they stick around for the goods...being a good guy never hurts.

And any chick that puts you in the friend zone for being a good guy is in no headspace for a meaningful relationship either! She's still in the "I'm going to sleep with the badboy" phase. Let her. If you really want to tag it, you gotta play the part. But she'll grow out of that phase later and you'll have that stigma...

So now is the time to ask yourself, do you want ass or do you want love? And don't be ashamed of either responce. If you really just want to knock some of those notches off your belt, go that way but quit lying to yourself if that's true. If the other way is true, don't ever be fake for even one minute (fake as in nicer than you really are, fake as in badder than you really are) and yeah, it's going to take some time to find a girl that's really worth dealing with on the long term.

My advise though is get a few notches while you can.

Exactly--I didn't mean to be condescending when I said, "the 40's," that means more about women than men, I was merely pointing to the fact that he needs to get over his neediness BEFORE he meets one worth keeping, aka "the notches."

I agree with most of what you said, but my experience is that many women actually never "grow," out of the badboy phase, that's why so many married women leave their husbands, or, worse yet, just cheat and keep it undercover. Women genetically, do not express loyalty as a trait the way men do--hunting tribe sticks together or doesn't survive, but a woman goes with the (apparently) strongest man or doesn't survive.

Women, by nature, want more of whatever you give them, and it never stops, so the more you give them initially, the less of a challenge you are, and the less you have to give later--as soon as you run out of new stuff to give (not talking literal gifts here, but BEING unpredictable and interesting), a woman will often feel undervalued, taken for granted, or worst of all, bored!

[Jay-]

I guess I should have mentioned that in order for her to even go to the USA she would have to get married to me, even if only on a platonic level I had agreed. Passport, visa and prenuptial is already done.
I know the town I'm moving to I could get laid 24/7 but had opted for a meaningful relationship with this woman.

We have already talked about building a house but its still was "Friends"
So the gifts that I gave her came into play...

If anything I managed to completely confuse the hell out of my self.
In the end Im probably just going to let her stay in central America.
Im just not willing to think this all over and "Try and figure her out" day after day.

So now Ill be with a "modern American woman" I guess...

[joeybaggadonuts]

Originally Posted by Jay-

There nothing creepy about it. Iv cooker her dinner over 100 times in the past 2 years.
I gave her a new gift last night walking home when I pulled a 6 week old kitten out of a live drainage ditch being swept away into the sewer. Didn't cost me a cent and I looked the hero. Pretty nice kitten also, bright orange tabby!

yeah but have you kissesd her or made any physical contact? cooking her dinner 100 times without even a kiss is sure to put you on "the friendship tip" in rare cases, it IS possible to advance further into a more intimate relationship from where you are but a gold bracelet before a kiss is definitely weird. but then again what do i l know? i'm on the brink of divorce

[donsolo]

I'm sure you know, even when you're not, you're still on the brink of divorce. (and I'm happily married)

Marriage is work. it takes two people who both want to make it work. As soon as one person gives up, that's when it's over.

yeah, leave her in Central America. Marrying her platonically will only complicate the situation more. If by 100 dinners you haven't greased the weasel, you never will...

And not all Modern american women are the same. There's still some real winners out there. fuuck

Also, not to sound racist or nothing but if she's from CA and you're from the USA, you're probably going to have major cultural differences that will later affect the relationship as well. Marriage is hard enough, when you add those difficult cultural understandings, it just makes it that much worse.

[ssl_ambition]

she`s not your girlfriend and not your longtime friend with a deeper relation. I ask just to get this right. cause it looks like you kinda try to buy her.

it`s nice to give and to give presents to somebody but if you`re not really, and I mean really close to her, then she maybe feels that you`re kind in a rush to get her.

it is of course not very interesting to women if you go like a bull at a gate and show her from a mile that you`re obtainable. It`s a game, we didn`t choose, but got to 'play'. whatever you say. even in the sweetest relationships - so sweet as sugar - you can find these characteristics of the game. If your available all the time & give her everything all the time etc. ....

if your needy, then you`ll don`t get her. if you`re not needy but show her, that she can have a good time with you you`ll get her.


Just some thoughts.

[jigsawlogic]

Just whatever happens, and however much it hurts, don't become an alcoholic. That will only make her think you're weak.

In all seriousness though, every non-verbal interaction between two people contains a hidden dialogue:

1) Giving her jewelry: "I want something more than friendship."
2) Her not wearing it: "Friendship is fine, thank you very much."

Best of luck though.

[GearBit]

Originally Posted by jimmydeluxe

Women are just as masculine--in many cases, more so--than most men, and all that old school "nice guy," behavior makes you look like a big pu--y.

This seems to be a popular belief and I used to believe it but I think it's more complicated than that.
Although I have seen this same statistic before, this is one I found from a quick search on the internet.

Girls, do you prefer nice guys or bad guys ?
1. Nice Guys 38%
2. Bad Guys 15%
3. Any man I can get ! 6%
4. A blend of both 34%
5. Neither 7%

This is what I mean by complicated.
Second only to nice guys are the women who want both bad and good in the same package! (And before we get too down on em remember that men want their women to be pure but slutty)
If my experience has shown me anything it's that women want to know that the man that they are with is brave.
They don't want to be bailing his ass out of jail every week. They don't want him to be beating them. They just want to know that he can take care of business when need be. Unfortunately, hollywood hasn't found a meaningful way to market that kind of trait so "bad boy" it is.

[donsolo]

Have you seen true romance?

Case in point.

But seriously, only about 25% of the population is marrying-material. The rest is either horny religious teenagers who save themselves for marriage and then get married for all the wrong reasons, or alchohol related.

Also, 68% of all statistics are made up.

[Jay-]

Im starting to consider she might like the overbearing aggressive (cell phone pouch, car alarm on the outside of your tight Levis jeans) or security guard type.

Also my room mate suggested if we were going to be together it probable would have already have happened....

[donsolo]

So punch her in the face, call her a **** and be done with it.

I kid.

But if that's true, it just means you two aren't compatible.

Now, let's go find you some bitchez.

[GearBit]

Originally Posted by donsolo

But seriously, only about 25% of the population is marrying-material.
Also, 68% of all statistics are made up.

LOL.
You meant to say that right?

[jigsawlogic]

Jay, if you think she's the kind that likes a more dominant man, use what you've got to your advantage.

You've already cooked her several dinners, but none have included metal shavings/porcelain shards that could produce injury.

That's the difference between a friend/wimpy man and a take-charge/suck my hand grenade kind of man.

The hand grenade man stomps a ceramic dish into slivers, and then cooks those slivers into whatever the hell the bitch is gonna eat. When she complains that the slivers made her bleed, he slaps her. Repeatedly. "If you're not crying about how good it tastes, then your crying about the wrong thing."

After the initial trauma, show her your soft side by giving her a pair of glasses large and dark enough to cover most of the bruising. But you can't be too soft about it! When she reaches for the glasses, slap her hand away, and throw them near her feet. Her only recourse will be to grab them from the ground, opening the way for any number of terribly demeaning comments.

Once her spirit is broken, she'll realize that the man she's been looking for all her life had been standing right in front of her...and it's time to give him a foot massage.

One more thing...I'm completely joking about everything I just wrote.

The only truth with women is this: Only under very abnormal circumstances will a desirable woman pledge herself to a man who is clearly weaker than her. If the girl you've been chasing is worthy of being chased, then you have an equal obligation to prove yourself a worthy pursuer. If you've known her for 2 years without stating your intentions, then you are in the worst position: a male storage depot, where she goes to forage before leaving to select the right man in a time of plenty (provided by you) rather than accept a poor candidate in weakened state.

[b808]

Originally Posted by jigsawlogic

Jay, if you think she's the kind that likes a more dominant man, use what you've got to your advantage.

You've already cooked her several dinners, but none have included metal shavings/porcelain shards that could produce injury.

That's the difference between a friend/wimpy man and a take-charge/suck my hand grenade kind of man.

The hand grenade man stomps a ceramic dish into slivers, and then cooks those slivers into whatever the hell the bitch is gonna eat. When she complains that the slivers made her bleed, he slaps her. Repeatedly. "If you're not crying about how good it tastes, then your crying about the wrong thing."

After the initial trauma, show her your soft side by giving her a pair of glasses large and dark enough to cover most of the bruising. But you can't be too soft about it! When she reaches for the glasses, slap her hand away, and throw them near her feet. Her only recourse will be to grab them from the ground, opening the way for any number of terribly demeaning comments.

Once her spirit is broken, she'll realize that the man she's been looking for all her life had been standing right in front of her...and it's time to give him a foot massage.

One more thing...I'm completely joking about everything I just wrote.

The only truth with women is this: Only under very abnormal circumstances will a desirable woman pledge herself to a man who is clearly weaker than her. If the girl you've been chasing is worthy of being chased, then you have an equal obligation to prove yourself a worthy pursuer. If you've known her for 2 years without stating your intentions, then you are in the worst position: a male storage depot, where she goes to forage before leaving to select the right man in a time of plenty (provided by you) rather than accept a poor candidate in weakened state.

Tru dat!

One thing I've noticed is some women who didn't really have a father figure in their childhood are either overly submissive or overly territorial. Yet the ones who did are more in the center of the spectrum. so to speak.

But then again I'm only 18 so what do I know...

[wildpark]

meaby shes illuminates like gold so never need any gift like that.

just go with her too a jewelery she will find the right gift herself.


womans wearing only thing how she feel comfortable like pants...

some are really critical and thinking alot of times of the same thing asking alot of friends if its right too do this or that.

you will end up lucky and she nows then

your honest in giving something what she really likes

if you never have found her personally taste yed

you will a step forward then


NO IAM NOT A CHINESE JUST WALKED IN EVERY SITUATION I CAN

Originally Posted by Jay-

She wont wear my Jewelry gifts!

This women I'm trying to get with had a birthday so I got her a gold bracelet.
GASP, she never wears it! So I thought Id bump up the relationship and got her a nice gold necklace. So man she is not wearing it again!
I cant figure women out.

But lay it on me, not using my fancy gifts is another cold shoulder ain't it.
(then again, perhapse if I had a cell phone id be more popular)

[jigsawlogic]

Wildpark, your desire to give comfort to the original poster is admirable. I also feel there are other ways to give comfort besides speaking ill of the Chinese. My wife is Chinese, and it makes me want to die. But I do not ever use that fact to comfort others, only to abuse myself. So if you mention Chinese people in the future when talking about the ancient dynamic of girlfriend/boyfriend, keep in mind that you are insulting the oldest culture with a writing system that still exists on this planet. And keep in mind that they have spear, dagger, straight sword, scimitar, staff, butterfly knife, 3-section staff, and maybe even some more modern ways to separate your lips from the words they wish to speak.

DO NOT talk shit about the Chinese. Because if you do, they will put shit in your baby milk formula.

[gearaddict]

Originally Posted by Duardo

All you do in that case is put it on when you get in the car, take it off when you get to work, and then put it back on when you get back in the car.

Or, just wear it to work...why not? I suppose it depends on what your job is.

+1 I would wear it..I have!!!! I just thought her reaction sounded like that scenario!!

[gearaddict]

Good God..just leave her alone!!! I hate to see men whining and damn near begging a woman..All that will lead to is her useing you..and the real bad thing is some men are so pathetic that they will let the woman use them just to be with them....then they jump out of a window when it dont work out...open up your eye's//it's not that complicated..just be done with her!!!

Good luck !!

[Jay-]

sheese, Only gave her a gift for her b-day.
Nothing more was implied either sexual or other.

[narcoman]

Originally Posted by Jay-

sheese, Only gave her a gift for her b-day.
Nothing more was implied either sexual or other.

??

It was implied by you - you said the "woman you're trying to get with won't wear your gifts". Women aren't nuts (well - apart from the ones who are nuts). Gifts are always for something - even if just an expression of feeling from one person to another. Gifts are sent in thanks - the value of the gift weighing in at the level of thanks for whatever turn was done. Gifts are given in paternal and maternal love to their kids, gifts are given to business associates who've done a good job. Gifts are given between romantic partners as expression of love - an expensive gift generally signifies great feeling between them - unless you're married and having an affair in which case it's guilt etc ! ho ho.

Either way - buying someone an expensive gift for their birthday when you're not very close them or just a multimillionaire - gives certain signals. Signals that may or may not be reflected back to you. In fact buying someone you are into a gift may often have exactly the opposite effect. Once done, the damage is difficult to undo. You're now on a path where she pretty much knows how you feel about her..... the future isn't set, but you've pretty much spilled the beans!

You're an unusual fellow - from these actions and from your signature strip. You seem to operate outside of what the majority do - don't change, but do realise that for most, you may be somewhat unusual! Understand that in yourself and you may go a long way to getting the sort of relationships you clearly desire....

[vixapphire]

Originally Posted by Jay-

OMG, thats all I expected in return was that she show it off to me one time!
Something I could look at and admire.

ya got ta take the bird windowshopping a few times to see what she goes for, and then buy it on the sly. it's the only way to know you're spending your money on that sort of trinketry wisely. never buy for your own tastes, but for her confirmed tastes, if you want to make her happy, score "thoughtful" points, and all that.

and if you're thinking about buying her a ring and don't follow my advice, good luck to ya.