Funny Quote requests

[Greg Reierson]

rand’s esoteric otr

[Tarekith]

Was chatting with some random guy at the local pub, and after telling him I did audio mastering for a living, the guy turns straight up bat shit crazy. Starts telling me how he used to be in Alice in chains, and how he manages Elvis's music catalog for his estate, just random weird stuff. The he asks me how much it will cost to master all the songs he wrote and stored on his phone.

Not seeing any escape, I ask what he means. Turns out he has like 300 hundred songs he wrote and then his computer crashed, leaving him only the mp3 versions on his phone. Then he goes to reach in his pocket to show this awesome phone, and he realizes its not there.

"oh, nevermind, I lost my phone again" he says.

He was going to pay me with the winnings from some cage fight he was entering the next week. Never saw him again.

[mixkitchen]

Live recording of a violinist. I decided to put the mic stand behind her and capture the violin from above her head. She obviously had not seen this done before so I explained that it would be preferable to having a mic stand between her and the audience. After the show she seemed very happy and said "I like it from behind"


Live sound gig for a band with limited English.
Singer : "Can you make me come in the wedges?"

[wado1942]

I had a couple of people, an old man and his middle-aged daughter drive all the way to my place from out of state to have me hire somebody to transcribe the materials on a bunch of 1/4" and cassette tapes to rerecord. I'm talking full chamber orchestra stuff here, though they seemed to think it was just "a couple of fiddles and a singer", though one of the tape boxes had the hand-written score inside of it, showing the dozen+ parts. I played one of the cassettes and saw that it was really an excellent recording, but they didn't like the voice on them. I said "I can tell this is really a good production. It's too bad you don't have the multitrack tapes so we could just rerecord the vocals and remix."
"Oh, we have the 16-track tapes at home."
"Well, that would save you thousands of dollars and weeks of work. I have a 16-track in my studio."
"We don't want to risk damaging them."
"I'm a professional audio specialist, I handle old tapes all the time. I assure you, they're safe."
"We're that sure they need to be rerecorded."
"Well, it would at least make it easier to transcribe, being able to listen to each part by itself." They went on to say that they'd rather I just work from their reference copies. I told them that I can do that, but it take some doing to get somebody skilled enough to transcribe them. They were OK with that. "We'll do whatever it takes." After some idle chit chat, they made their leave. They came back about an hour later and asked for the reference copies back. They still wanted to move forward with transcription and rerecording, but I couldn't have the tapes either because they "didn't want them to get damaged." I told them I needed SOMETHING to do my work, but they were insistent that I hire everybody I need to get the job done and move forward with the production without having the reference materials.

I told another client, with whom I have a friendly, professional relationship, about the experience. He said that the tapes were probably stolen, which didn't occur to me. I just thought they were nuts.

[huejahfink]

Originally Posted by mixkitchen

Live recording of a violinist. I decided to put the mic stand behind her and capture the violin from above her head. She obviously had not seen this done before so I explained that it would be preferable to having a mic stand between her and the audience. After the show she seemed very happy and said "I like it from behind"


Live sound gig for a band with limited English.
Singer : "Can you make me come in the wedges?"

Both of these appeal to my trashy sense of humour

[Tom Higgins]

Great story, Stephen.

[J_Flux]

Originally Posted by ONDRAY

So, I don't think this can be serious, but a had a good laugh. Email I received today.

"I have 10 beautiful tracks of my flatulence. It would mean a lot to me to have them properly mastered to get a really quality sound. I find them to be quite soothing and a nice tone would really make it that much enjoyable to listen to on a long drive."

If you have a funny request, I'd love to know.

P.S. if this was actually series and the guy is here reading, I'm sure you'll find the humor.

That is comedy gold!

[IIIrd]

Originally Posted by mixkitchen

Live recording of a violinist. I decided to put the mic stand behind her and capture the violin from above her head. She obviously had not seen this done before so I explained that it would be preferable to having a mic stand between her and the audience. After the show she seemed very happy and said "I like it from behind"


Live sound gig for a band with limited English.
Singer : "Can you make me come in the wedges?"

most excellent

[Ninja_Edit]

Reminds me of talking to little girls about doing it in the butt.

Probably the funniest thing I got was "I've never done this before. I'm excited."

[IIIrd]

Someone pulled the "Mike Hunt" gag on an suspecting girl in the resterant a few years back. It pays not to answer the phone sometimes.
"Has anyone seen ...." you get the rest

[Thomas W. Bethe]

I get a call from a a potential client. He wants to come over and have me master a some material he has written and recorded. I make arrangements for him to come over so I can do the mastering. He never shows up, I call him and he said he could not find transportation but he will be able to find someone next week to drive him to my place. We make arrangements for the next week and at the appointed time he shows up. He has a box with scores (in reality music paper with notes on it) and some cassettes. He wants me to take the cassettes and put them on my computer and then do the mastering. So I start to load in the cassette and there are no complete takes and only starts and stops and sometimes only one instrument is playing. I figure this is just the "tip of the iceberg" and that later in the cassette there will be complete takes. No such luck. After I had loaded in three 90 minute cassettes there is not a complete take on any of them. I inform the "client" that we now have 4.5 hours of time and a whole lot of music on the computer. I keep asking what he wants me to do with all of this and he says "master it". So he gives me the "scores" and says I can find all the music I need on the 4.5 hours I have on my computer. I look at him and tell him that he needs to get this all mixed down and arranged and then I can master it. He says "I thought that is what I was asking you to do?" So I explain what mastering is all about. He says "well that is not what I need" and prepares to leave. I tell him I have 4.5 hours of time I need him to pay me for and he says" but you didn't do anything". After a long discussion he begrudgingly pays me and then asks if I can take him home since his ride is not available. I drive him to where he lives and he says thanks and gets out of the car.

About two weeks later I get a call from him asking how the project is going? I tell him that I am not working on his "project" because there is nothing I can do. He says "but I paid you for the work in advance" I tell him that he paid me for the transfers of the cassettes and that there was no project. He hangs up and about a week later calls me up and asks again "how is my project going". This goes on for a month. He finally calls me up and asks if he can have the material he gave me back. I tell him I returned the cassettes to him after the transfer session and he says "no I want the computer with the files on it". I say if you mean the computer files I can put them on CDs but there will be an additional charge. He says "no I want the computer with the files on it so I can work on them myself. About this time I am thinking that he escaped from the local hospital's mental facility. A couple of more calls from him and I am thinking about calling the police. One day he shows up at my door and wants to "take the computer I paid for" I inform him that there is no computer and if he wants the files I transferred to my computer from his cassettes there will be an additional charge. He leaves and I don't hear from him for a month, then two months and finally my curiosity got the better of me and I went to his address and there is a FOR RENT sign on the house. I finally archived the files and never heard of or from this guy again.

Creepy does not even start to describe what I felt after dealing with this guy.

YUCK

[squirreltrench]

Wow. Oh, so very wow.