Understanding engineers - Parts 1-9

14th September 2003, 09:59 PM

Dave Derr sent me this...

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rodeup on this bike." She threw
the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said "Take what you
want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Part II
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Part III
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead
of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight. "The doctor said, "Good idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Part IV
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Part V
thegraduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Part VI
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The
last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take VII
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers -Part VIII
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both."
"Both?", the others said. "Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a
mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other
woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take IX
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'llstay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked,
"What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and I'll stay
with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Peter Simonsen · 15th September 2003, 06:51 AM

...

Gooood, and very informative topic there Jules...

Kind regards

Peter

syra · 19th September 2003, 04:51 AM

heaheaha...nice one Jules...so its true...Civil Engineers are supposed to be the dorks of the bunch...Iif only I could turn back time...

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14th September 2003, 09:59 PM	#1
Jules Guest Posts: n/a	Understanding engineers - Parts 1-9 Dave Derr sent me this... Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rodeup on this bike." She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." Understanding Engineers - Part II To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Understanding Engineers - Part III A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. "The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Understanding Engineers - Part IV What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets. Understanding Engineers - Part V thegraduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" Understanding Engineers - Take Part VI Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" Understanding Engineers - Take VII Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. Understanding Engineers -Part VIII An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?", the others said. "Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done." Understanding Engineers - Take IX An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'llstay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

15th September 2003, 06:51 AM	#2
Peter Simonsen Gear maniac Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 154	... Gooood, and very informative topic there Jules... Kind regards Peter __________________ Tubes! Making people sucessful in a changing world! >>An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field<<

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19th September 2003, 04:51 AM	#3
syra Lives for gear Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: L.A. Posts: 1,423	heaheaha...nice one Jules...so its true...Civil Engineers are supposed to be the dorks of the bunch...Iif only I could turn back time...