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If you can get out there on the gigging music scene then you can make friends and influence people. This is how you get to gig with other bands get recognition from the working musicians in your area etc.
If you are professional and friendly, then your reputation will spread and you will find musicians make themselves available to you to keep your band gigging.
It seems like you are dictating terms to musicians who haven't come up with their own parts to your songs.
I'm getting the impression that it's your way or the highway. In which case you will need to offer good amounts of cash to people who can be in and out of situations like yours ie musos who read charts and make a few notes and go from gig to gig with different bands all the time. Musos like that tend not to look the part or play the style with enough depth. They are usually very schooled players such as former music students who have studied on jazz courses at college level. You have to pat them and have gigs for them.
It seems to me that you might not be the man for the job of band leader. A band leader uses good communication and a touch of charm/charisma to get people doing what they need to be doing.
An uptight singersongwriter with a tendancy to vent stress at the reheasing musicians and without the words, experience and ability to analyse/empathise with musicians learning to perform together might not be the best person to lead.
Hire yourself a Musical Director. Find this personwho has the skills and the ability to hire musicians for the project and let that person get you to where you need to get. He/she works for you and he manages the situation for you. This person will have the contacts and relationships with the pro musicians around where you live and will make this far less painful.
Good luck,
cortisol
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