Originally Posted by MacFamousKid
Alright here it is. I like to think that I put as much, if not more, effort into the music than the lyrics. Lyrics always come second for me. The singing sucks and the guitar(s) are rough. Deal with it, haha.
There are some decent musical ideas in the backing parts in places but unfortunately the vocal melodies themselves are weak and forgettable. There are maybe two bars in the whole vocal melody that would serve as decent jump off points to start developing. There is also a massive massive disconnect between what you have lyrically and melodically in the vocal line.
It's hard to instruct you what to do here. I think you do have some good music ideas in the backing. I think you have some good word ideas that evoke on a page. Your job is to find the melody that will allow some of those words to evoke in the air with the music. When (if) you do find that melody, there is no way on earth that all the lyrics you have now will work with it. At that stage your job becomes to recognize what is vital and works elementally and just junk the rest. And then you work from there.