It's really strange that you made a thread about something that only you can answer. Asking others why you do certain things doesn't take you anywhere.
You are the only one who can answer that.
Besides, don't attach too much about everything what's happening in the forum. Sellect the best and use it, spot the worst and ignore it.
Buy books and read them, and complement your knowledge here.
Don't read too much. That's often an excuse for you to delay what you've should be doing.
Live life, go outside and get into adventure, don't expect to get inspiration from text and technical stuff.