I'm a bit confused by your description of your experience with the 414s. 414s are bright mics, to be sure, but if they're too "aggressive," in your words, this is perhaps more a result of placement—or of how your drummer plays the cymbals—than the mics. These are, as you note, common mics for OH duties.
My advice is to try to treat your home recording environment, which you note is not superb. Candidly, the Beyer, the sE, or even the Neumann, are likely to sound less-than-stellar if you cannot tame the acoustics of the room. Doing so is likely to be a lot cheaper than chasing your tail with different microphones.
Finally, the sE really doesn't sound like an 84, in my experience.
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