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Originally Posted by Beaumaloe  I'm a fan of this kind of music and I think you've done a really good job musically. The only things missing for me musically (and this is nit-picking) is in the 2nd verse I would add a lead instrument to answer or build off of the vocal stanzas. Just to make the 2nd half of the 2nd verse build a little bit more. The same part could come back later at the last chorus. I like the guitar part that comes in at the last chorus, so it could be something that compliments that too. The other thing is the vocal part at the bridge. The singer sounds pretty compelling to me for the most part, but when it comes time to belt that high note, it's kinda a let down when she goes into falsetto. I'd put money down that you tried it full voice, but it didn't work out. Any chance you could get a few drinks in her and let her really go for it again? Just a thought, since it's the highest point in the song.
Lyrically, I had a bigger issue with the song, in the chorus specifically. I think mixing metaphors there and not anywhere else is making the lyrical hook have less of an impact. Here's what I mean. "I'm just a shooting star" is fine. "Don't crush my paper heart": also fine. But when you put them together, it doesn't make perfect sense. It works ok, but it's not great. Unless the whole song (including the verses) plays with cliches, then you'd be ok. Since the verses tell a normal story with very little metaphor, the chorus should stick to one idea or theme for the metaphor. So if she starts out a star, stick to astrological things, or at least celebrity things. If she has a paper heart, stick to heart or love note things. Maybe "star" for the first half of the chorus, "paper heart" for the second, that way they're not conflicting ideas. I know this might be Monday-morning quarterbacking, but lyrics have so much to do with this style of music.
I'm rambling, but I think the song has so much potential it might be worth a rewrite. Good luck! |
hey those are some great ideas! but yeah unfortunately the tracking for this is long in the past and i dont see us going back to redo anything at this point. and yeah the lyrics probably could a a little better but they were written during tracking in about an hour. glad you like it!
oh, and that high note before the bridge-lowchorus part actually is full voice! (if thats the one you mean... can you save me nooOOWWWW) the tone of her voice kinda does make it sound falsetto though... unless youre talking about when everything drops and she says "ohhh im fallin' fallin..." which does has some falsetto
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Originally Posted by Jake 2.0 Sweet mix man. Id suggest re touching up the vox to add back in some of the natrual vibrato . Sounds like a lot of strait lines on the vocals (autotune, melodyne) more so in the verses than the choruses . sounds a bit un- natural. |
yeah theres a few words in the verse that could have been a little better. our tracking time was limited so she only had a couple run throughs of each part and we spent most of the time on the chorus. ill see if i can not destroy it so much in melodyne though :p