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Wow, this is an old thread. I was about to write SansAmp for plugins, but see that I realy did two years ago.
That's the best I've found, but it's not optimal. Anything in the analog domain is pretty likely to be better.
If you really want to figure out how to distort drums, mic the kit as usually and then add one extra mic and distort that in anyway you want on the way in. make it over the top. It needs to be trashed enough that people think you're a moron when they hear it solo'd. Then blend it in later. It doesn't necessarily have to be loud enough to hear the distortion clearly.
On the first try it may not be usable, but you'll get an idea of what works. Just keep tracking with an experimental mic on every session until someone says "Holy shit! What did you do? That sounds amazing!" Then keep doing that over and over on every session until you get bored and want to try something else.
There's really only one thing that matters with drums - proper phase.
Meaning if you don't know how, beyond a shadow of a doubt to get your phase right, don't wast time with distortion since you won't be able to evaluate how it actually sounds in the context of a recordings where one of the mics is 180 out pf phase.
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