thanks for the replies, i'm going to look into the companies you've mentioned.
I see brainworx do a free M/S matrix called the bx solo so that's a great start
one question though, if you decode to M/S add what ever effect or processor you want and then encode it back to stereo wouldn't the effect smear the signal, maybe phase or the boundaries between mono and stereo that make M/S in the first place ?
Hopefully that doesn't sound like a really stupid question, i can see people saying 'well that's the point you idiot'