[neverfeather]

That's interesting. Thanks Qubi. Your perspective is the one I think I want to embrace. I've been composing for advertising mostly, I've mostly worked on spec but I've scored a few for pay. Things are always getting better. Portland is no media mecca but it has some buzz and there is definitely some talent here. I guess I like the humaneness in Qubi's words. Most of the composers I've met are very jaded. I feel myself becoming more jaded. This business has been a whirlwind of let-downs and small victories. No matter how much you ball up, it doesn't really seem like there's a way to avoid the emotional stress. Point is, I'm trying to make a living as a composer. The reason I'm doing it is because I feel a sense of purpose and value in my music, not because I want to bastardize my creative intellect. There's a balance. I have a wife that is so crazy she was actually excited when I e-mailed her about the film gig that paid 100 bucks. I want to take care of her too.

I think the practice I will get from this merits it. I'm gonna hit the coffee shop with a book on film scoring. I've only read parts of it, I need to get a thorough understanding of how this stuff works.

Seriously, everyone. It may seem like nothing but some of the stuff you've said has really been helpful both philosophically and simply for my own education. It means a lot. I'll be around.