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I'm also trying to wrap my head around the ways ppl work here with metering and headroom. It's starting to click a lot more lately, so I'll try to explain what helped me. If I'm off at all, feel free to virtually punch me.
One thing that really helped me personally was to set my DAW to meter in PEAK-RMS, so I can see both in my digital meter. That is when I learned the difference between PEAK and RMS metering, and why you have to really read the advice given here. John, above, stated that -18dBfs RMS is nominal... but you would surely see transients of, say, a snare drum peaking around -6db or -3db if you are watching Peak-RMS meters in your DAW. If you don't have a VU meter handy then using your DAW's RMS meter is a must in my opinion. The two types of metering are vastly different.
Go do a search for a thread about ppl using limiters on their master buss in their DAW's. A reason for this is because although your master buss might be around -18dBfs RMS, it's peak meter could get around 0dBfs. There are other reasons, but that's one of them.
I'm ashamed to admit this, but I used to mix really really quietly because I didn't know the difference between the two meter types... and my mastering engineer told me I could probably send in louder mixes. I found that it was because I was metering in Peak.... -18dbfs in peak is very quiet in RMS...
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live and learn.
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